Friday, September 15, 2006


I feel like an incredibly selfish person. Since the beginning of this year I've been doing research work for a counselor in the CCC for research credit and since I'm interested in it and need the experience. I used to meet with said counselor once a week to discuss how the research was going or sometimes just to talk about whatever, and sometimes I'd e-mail him with trivial questions. Oh yeah, and he was going to be my mentor for my honors thesis. But for the past two weeks we've had another assistant come to our meetings, and I feel bored when we go on tangents. I like to stick to the matter at hand and get things done. He's been less accessible because his son has been having some major health problems, and my honors thesis is like not even on the discussion plate (like maybe it's dessert or something). All this is very logical and understandable. So why do I feel like suddenly I'm not getting as much out of this deal as I used to? I'm still doing the dirty work. But I'm being really ungrateful - I wouldn't have gotten my current job without this beginning research stuff, and I probably wouldn't have the chance I do to do my thesis working with such a large database otherwise. Let's see if I can do some self-therapy: my irrational beliefs are that I shouldn't feel hurt that I'm not getting as much attention for being a smart, hard-working, ambitious undergraduate (can you tell how humble I am?). My advice to myself: Get over it, Whistler. Blood relations will always take precedence over you. Yeah, so things change. Most things do.

I haven't hit the nail here. The real IB is that I believe I should get attention for being better. For one, I am not better than anyone else, and for two, there is no reason why I others must give me their attention, as that is entirely up their decision out of the goodness of their heart to invest in your life. Pow.


Yarjka said...

It seems to me that it's still pretty cool to be doing research, right? I agree.

Anonymous said...