Wednesday, October 04, 2006

:-( = f(circumstance? how dumb!)

I'm worried that perhaps I AM finding my limit. It's not that I have a lot of work to do all the time, but I have lots of little things to do for lots of classes/jobs/volunteer slavery. I'm wasting more time in hopes of alleviating stress but it just makes it worse.

I think I've cried twice in the past two months (that's a lot for me). I like expressing my sadness in criticism and sarcasm, not tears. So today I screwed up on someone else's project at work and I was really disappointed in myself. It was kind of embarrassing because I didn't want my superior who was informing me about this on the phone to know. I mean, it wasn't even that big of a deal, I was just choked up because my physical condition is less than optimal. But it BOTHERS me when I break down like that, because it's always about something stupid/trivial. When really bad/sad things happen, it's like it never happened. Sometimes I'll try to cry about big things (like, oh, breaking up, or horrible things happening in other countries, or listening to a really sad song), but it rarely happens. Basically I lack control over my emotions, and I just let them run around like a puppy, and this is frustrating to me.

2 comments:

herb and gary said...

emotions are very hard things to control. don't sweat it, you're not the only one.

sometimes my emotions are erratic and spontaneous and unpredictable too. that's why we've got brains, so that we can intellectually assess our situation at any given time, and evaluate which of our emotions are valid and which we can disregard.

granted, i don't want to advocate shutting off emotion altogether in favor of cognitive analysis. that would be a poor choice. after all, we're not robots.

well, i'm not, at least.

or am i?

-herb.

Thirdmango said...

I actually enjoy crying now and again, not often and never around people which never happens. I'm quite in control over my emotions when around people, sometimes I can get pissed and can't hide that as well as other emotions. Although I do have to admit, it is the big things that make me cry. Oh and I do tear up in almost any emotional movie, but that doesn't count.

This semester I'm trying a couple of things with my own psyche, for instance I got really behind just recently on a 3D modeling project and had to turn it in only about 25% done. Usually in that situation my natural reaction is not to turn it in until I'm done with it but then I become really behind and end up messing up everything, so this time even though I had to turn in crap I did and now am starting anew on the new project. I'm going to make sure also that I don't get pissed at myself if I end up getting a B or a C, cause really, what good is that going to do.