Easy English for Russians

Read this excerpt from "Easy English For Russians." I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. It's so surreal! Here's a selection in case you don't want to go to the link:

SOME FOOLS                           НЕКОТОРЫЕ ДУРАКИ
REVERT TO SOPHISTICATED PROCEDURES   ПРИБЕГАЮТ К СЛОЖНЫМ ПРОЦЕДУРАМ
TO PROMOTE THEIR PERSONALITY,        ЧТОБЫ РЕКЛАМИРОВАТЬ СВОЮ ЛИЧНОСТЬ,
HOWEVER                              ОДНАКО
THAT KILLS THEIR MORAL IMAGE         ЭТО УБИВАЕТ ИХ МОРАЛЬНЫЙ ОБЛИК

1.That fool bored me like hell.      1.Этот дурак мне страшно надоел.
2.He told endless stories.           2.Он рассказывал бесконечные истории.
3.He told flat jokes,                3.Он расказывал плоские шутки,
4.after which he laughted alone.     4.после которых он смеялся один.
5.As for me, I wanted to weep.       5.Что касается меня, я хотел плакать.
6.At such moments                    6.В такие моменты
 I wanted to murder him.              я хотел убить его.
7.I wanted to strangle him           7.Я хотел задушить его
with my own hands.                    собственными руками.
8.In his stories                     8.В этих историях
 he always posed as a hero.           он всегда выступал как герой.
9.Sometimes                          9.Иногда
 his artistic ego                     его артистическое я
 was not successful                   не имело успеха
 in realistic terms.                  в реалистических терминах.
10.But then                          10.Но зато
 there were moral implications        был моральный подтекст
 to his advantage.                    в его пользу.

livemocha!

Hey guys, I'm on livemocha.com. I have yet to explore everything, but it looks cool. My username is Whistler, maybe we could help each other learn a language... I just wish the Russian courses went past the 200-level. But maybe I could start learning another language? I hate it when I only know a little of a language though...

Cheesy playlist

1. Belle & Sebastian - Step into my office, baby
2. Fleet Foxes - He doesn't know why
3. The Aquabats - Red sweater!
4. We Are Scientists - Lousy reputation
5. Cake - Love you madly
6. Radiohead - My iron lung
7. The Raconteurs - Steady as she goes
8. The Decemberists - O Valencia!
9. Arcade Fire - My body is a cage
10. Franz Ferdinand - Darts of pleasure
11. Cat Power - Could we
12. Death Cab for Cutie - I will follow you into the dark
13. My Brightest Diamond - Inside a boy
14. Cat Stevens - Here comes my baby
15. Radio Dept. - The worst taste in music
16. Muse - Time is running out
17. M83 - In Church (Cyann & Ben Version)

This was a mix I made for a "friend." Little did I know that there is a racy narrative behind it all (read the song titles in order)! Bah ha ha...

eye glasses: important fashion decision while under pressure

I just got new glasses (my last [most recent former] pair was my first pair of glasses ever, it was a big step for me). When I picked them out last week I thought they were black, but it turns out they're this bronze color that catches the light funny... actually I'm not sure if they even used the frames I picked out (I got the feeling they didn't trust my judgement, I hate it when two people try to help me pick out clothes or anything, because I know what I want and don't really care what they think). I wanted black plastic ones like the ones I had before, but all the ones they had screamed "jerk" or "I am trying to be hip." These metal ones feel lighter, but the plastic nose-hold things have additional screws in them, which I think makes the glasses less durable. I didn't really like the selection at my optometrist's, I wonder if I could buy frames online next time (but good luck getting insurance to pay for it, I guess)... like these (via Nerd Boyfriend, thanks for sharing that link bismark). Speaking of eyeframe trends, have you noticed that some people still wear those huge 80s frames? They're not in style anymore (though I applaud the increased visibility, even if they are ugly) - where do people get them? Do I need to find an optomitrist who specializes in vintage frames if I want some 50s horn-rims? There are so many things I don't understand about eyewear.

something happened!

Oh, by the way, I got into freaking GRAD school, that MA program I applied for. I'm so excited! I get to start on the prereqs Spring/Summer terms. Also on my list of prereqs is "ask all the dumb questions you can think of so that the admissions committee wonders what they were thinking when they admitted me." There are some concerning ratings of English professors on ratemyprofessor.com, but part of me isn't worried because I got along a lot of professors who have crappy ratings, let's face it there are just some bitter students out there.

I started reading Heller's Something Happened today. My favorite is the blurb on the back: "When you read Something Happened something will happen to you!" bah ha ha why don't books want to sell themselves anymore? "Once in a decade something important happens in books. In the 1970's, it is Something Happened." One project I'd like to work on sometime is scanning in my old paperbacks and make fun of them (a la pop sensation).

Now please enjoy this photo of my eye!

I wanted to upload a graph...

This is a photo of the contact paper in one of our cupboards. Also, here is a sneak preview of a graph I wrote up for a Board question (the file library was down, so I decided to upload it here).

and I suppose he wears shorts in the winter

I was talking to an former co-worker the other day. As usual we were talking about boys... I was telling her about this one guy, let's call him Crow, that I've taken a liking too. I explained how he's really smart but takes a devil-may-care attitude towards grades and has the makings of a real renaissance man. She said, "Oh, I get it, he's a real bad boy to you." I hadn't really thought about that before, but I think I secretly cheer on students who refuse to do pointless assignments and just do the work they need to do to learn the material. That's what I've liked about sitting in on classes these past two semesters - I only did the homework if I wanted to. And that's what makes the most sense to me.

Back to Crow, he's not at BYU at the moment so I have all this time to imagine him as someone he's not. And that kind of worries me, because I know that I've had unrealistic expectations about friends in the past, and it can be damaging. But at least I'm aware that I'm being silly. And I think he might even like me back, a little. He gets along well with children (or so I hear) and I find that really attractive, especially after working with so many people who don't. (P.S. Crow do you read this blog? I have no idea. Sorry if I embarrassed you.)

Not a joke

This is a transcript of notes I found on an actual sacrament meeting program (incidentally, I found it on the Provo temple grounds, which almost made up for the temple being closed):

Guy 1: There is definetly [sic] something there with her. I don't think I am just stupid. What do you think?
Guy 2: Man, I trust you Judgment and I support you, but 2 weeks is really quick.
Guy 1: This is how I explained it to her : (Makes sense?) You know during fast and testimony meeting, when you get the feeling to get up and share? And you do you best and set it aside, till you can't take it any longer, so you break and go to the front and share. I wanted to tell her I was going to marry her, but the thought "two weeks, two weeks," kept coming up. I don't know.
Guy 2: if it truly is the right thing to do, I don't thing giving it more time will hurt it. like we talked about earlier, it is an eternal decision. Granted, I was only 16 and didn't know anything, but the first 7 months w/ Celeste felt great. then the issues started to come out and we started fighting.
Guy 1: I agree with you, that is why I think Alaska is a really good idea. I think it will be 4 months to gain a better relationship with her.
Guy 2: yeah, I agree.

My commentary: Bah ha ha... the funny thing is that it's a fast Sunday program from 2006... that means that someone kept this in his pocket for like two years (although I guess I've done similar things). --Going to Alaska to strengthen a relationship? So is going to go there without her so they can do the long-distance thing or are they going together? And comparing getting married to bearing your testimony... I'm not so sure about that one... All I can think of is, "you know that feeling, when you're kissing, and you're sure you want to get married RIGHT NOW? yeah..." but perhaps he's holier than I am.

P.S. If this is you or a friend of yours, thanks for the amusement!

Tomato bean sausage soup

Okay, I was making soup today, and it called for 3 cans of beans and a can of tomatoes. I wasn't sure of I should rinse the tomatoes or not (the can said they were in "tomato juice" which could be good for the broth), so I asked my grandma about it, and she was like, "no, don't rinse those" and in reply I said, "but rinse the beans, right??" and she said, "No, and you can use some water to get all the juice out." I already had rinsed and put in two cans, so I was thinking, okay, I'll try this with ONE can of beans. This was a poor cooking decision. My broth was muddy, too salty, and had the grainy feel of preserved beans. Still edible but not the best. Otherwise it was an amazing soup (but it made a ton and it's kind of difficult to get all those cans back on a bike).

Bottom line: Always rinse your beans, no matter what your grandma says!

and would you stop talking in baby talk to your 8-year-old?

Dear parents lacking vital parenting skills,

Your children desperately want your approval and praise. However when you only pay attention to them when they do something bad they will keep doing these bad things so you'll notice them! Take an interest in their lives and stop yelling at them and their behavior will improve. Give them structure and opportunities to be obedient. Praise their success. Oh and don't take yourself so seriously and stop trying to control your kids all the time. Rudely bossing children around is a recipe for creating a belligerent, rude child. Even I can tell this and I'm not even a parent! I'm surprised that your children have not already strangled you.

-had a long Saturday at work

and do they go to literary prison?

If English professors are literary detectives, does that make authors literary CRIMINALS?

Bachelors

So I was thinking about this: how do I feel about dating guys that haven't completed their Bachelor's degree? I am starting to wonder if it's really that important. Maybe I've placed undue importance on education - as long as he's smart and can make money, who cares?

But as much as I'd like to be non-snobby about the education of people I date, I still think education is important (despite how stupid some classes are!). I think getting a Bachelor's demonstrates a willingness to endure ennui and arbitrary assignments for a delayed, abstract reward. Kind of like marriage! Now the only problem is that some guys might be perfectly capable of working for delayed gratification yet not complete their education for other reasons (insufficient funds, job that doesn't require a degree, disillusionment with educational system, etc.). That's all I had to say about it.

maybe you didn't know these things about me?

- Parties with lots of people kind of scare me. Especially people I don't know. However I can conquer this fear if need be!
- I can be creepy in a stalkerish way and I've been that way since high school. I'm trying to be less creepy. Hopefully this will improve my public image!
- I've spent a summer with each Mozart flute concerto. This might explain my love-hate relationship with them.
- Sometimes I still think my ex-boyfriends are cute.
- I fantasize about composing some great music or a novel. However I realize that both of these industries are highly competitive, and even if I were some kind of genius it would be hard to make any money off of it.
- I frequently used the term "lamerz" until my roommate mercilessly made fun of me. Now I use the term "lame-o."
- I will go to the movies by myself, but I'll feel stupid while doing it.
- I'm always disappointed when a male acquaintance gets engaged. I'm like, "well forget you!"
- I think cooking is boring, but I like the results too much to do away with it.
- I've been trying not to use my inhaler so I can sell plasma soon.
- I know that no one likes it when I sing along with my music. I mouth the words, listening through my headphones, and wonder if other people can tell what I'm saying.
- I'm painfully self-conscious. But you knew that.

"Again and Again" analysis

The Bird and the Bee came out with a new album yesterday, but I was too cheap to buy it. Instead I watched their music video "Again and again" on Youtube approximately 13 times. Despite the extremely repetitive and simple lyrics, I found myself really enjoying and "understanding" this song. Here are the lyrics, but you should really go watch the music video.

Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again
Again and again

It's a shame, it's a shame
It's a perfect shame
Creep under my door and we do it again, oh

It's easy and easy and easy and easy
And creepy and creepy and creepy, oh
Again, again, again, again

Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again

Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again

Again and again

Say my name, say my name, say my stupid name
It's stupid how we always seem to do it again, oh

You're so stupid and perfect
And stupid and perfect
I hate you, I want you
I hate you, I hate you, oh
Again, again, again, again

La, la, la
Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again

Again and again and again
Do it again
Do it again

Again and again

The repetitive "again and again" refrain is itself repetitive while lamenting how repetitive life is, and how the repetition becomes meaningless - easy, creepy, stupid, perfect - these all become synonyms when physical actions and habit take precedence over thought and wonder. The "I hate you, I want you" further limns the frustration with dependence on lust for meaningful relationships. The song offers no solution but successfully elicits from the listener the pleasurable boredom of repetition made meaningful by the meaninglessness it conveys. Go post-modernism!

P.S. PLEASE tell me if you know what kind of car is in that music video.

Hostility = endearing?

That Carlton Lassiter character on "Psych" is really cute. Unfortunately I couldn't find any great fansites with like screen captures and whatnot. There are just all the same stock photos...

The question here is, what of Lassie's characteristics are attractive?
-sideburns
-blue eyes
-somehow being an American with straight teeth yet looking Irish
-regret hidden behind hostility
-secure/cool job position
-good at shooting guns
-only smiles when he's actually happy
-often sarcastic
-lack of tact is endearing
-let's face it that gun holster is sexy

In other news I have given in to playing Scrabble on Facebook! Please challenge me to a game if you would like to play. Now please enjoy this photo of a lamp in our apartment:

words describing inner race

I was thinking about a specific type of racial term - a term for someone who "acts" like a different race than they are. Here is the list I am familiar with:

Oreo: Black person who acts white
Twinkie/banana: Asian person who acts white
Egg: White person who acts asian

I think these terms are interesting because it's usually like, racism between members of the same race (although I think "egg" could be used endearingly to a white person with lots of Asian friends?). Also: they are all foods? Are there more terms like this, and if not could we make them up (because I'm racially insensitive)?

Also: I got to watch some crazy Russian cartoons. I recommend hedgehog in the fog.

Now, please enjoy this photo of our ceiling!

Russian blog! Also guess what I applied to a graduate program.

So I spent a little time this evening setting up my Russian blog: http://whistlingindoors.blogspot.com/ (the title comes from the Russian superstition that it's bad luck to whistle indoors). For the two or three of my readers who read Russian, it might be fun times!

Other news: I finished applying to BYU's MA in English program. They have a 40% acceptance rate, so I might actually make it! I think they don't do interviews, which only improves my chances. However, my writing sample was only seven pages when they wanted ten... but better to be brief than to be a bore, I always say. I just didn't have time (or resources) to research and make the argument for Black Humor as a transitionary genre into post-modernism. But perhaps in the future... ! (PS Don't steal my idea. Please?) MTTS comic about grad school.

Sad story: When I graduated I checked out like 30 books to read (with my then-graduate/honors check-out privileges). I kept renewing them until I lost my privliges, and the last books are due February 6th (and I still have about six and a half of them to read). After this I will either have to hang out at the HBLL, just use the Provo library, or actually start on the 40 books or so I have saved up for this specific purpose.

And now for your opinion: Anonymous comments - are they flattering or worrisome? I know Tangerine found them annoying enough to disable them on her blog. Heh, she can't defend herself since she's on a mission (sorry Tangy!).

Really, not much I can do

I recently found out that an acquaintance of mine is taking some time off to deal with depression (not a reader of this blog). I always feel at such a loss when this happens. Part of me wants to be like, "Hey, I'm completely insensitive and I want to talk to you about all the cool research on depression! Look at all these things you could try to cure your problem!" But I think the best thing I can do is not be nosy, not ask "HOW ARE YOU??", and just generally not be a nuisance (wow, new levels of redundancy!). Maybe I should look back to some board answers - "There is very good scientific evidence that doing fun stuff relieves depression — I am not making this up." bah ha ha... well, while I'd like to be friendly, I have a hard time seeing me being helpful... but perhaps there's something I can do.

2008 retro specteo

What was 2008? It was more than ending a long-term relationship, graduating, going to my first funeral, turning 21 and finding a job in the "real world." It marked new heights in free time, meaning more time for self-exploration, or at least leisure time. And I've decided that I love reading enough to make a life's work of it. 2008 also marked new lows in my self-cynicism, such that I'm hoping against the conviction that I won't make it into the English MA program to which I'm applying. I'm not sure why I want to go back to school so badly when I think the current system is so medieval, and when I think that most professors do research for the wrong reasons. 2008 also calls to mind some roommates who were really messy and with whom I felt frustrated the majority of the time. And while I sometimes fantasize about living in my own apartment, I know that I would feel terribly lonely living alone. So, I'm still looking for the ultimate roommate! Here's to hoping I can do this non-creepily.

guys, I'm not the smartest

It's come to my attention that there are some people in the world who are smarter than I am. This shouldn't be a big deal, but I've defined myself by my above-average intelligence for quite a while, so it's aggravating to admit that I'm not the only runway light bulb in the bunch.

As is the case with most things I don't understand, I did a bit of research on exceptional intelligence. It turns out there are kids who teach themselves to read around age 2, just like Matilda (however, they do not have her telekinetic powers). They get bored in school and have trouble making friends (but then again, doesn't everyone?). Learning comes easily, so studying music theory and writing a symphony in a few months is just another hobby to them.

Learning doesn't always come easily to me. I have to really work at vocabulary in Russian (and English, for that matter). However, I do have a love for learning, and while I'm not quite in that upper 1%, IQ-wise, I'm still up there (despite having gotten dumber since high school, not sure how that happened). So I think I can understand wanting to study lots of different things, and feeling dread at the thought of doing the same thing for the rest of my life. And when it comes down to it, even improbably intelligent people have the same existential dilemmas as regularly intelligent people. Still, I should define myself in a way unrelated to my intellect, and then I wouldn't have these issues.

Okay, I'm going to go read a book to make myself feel smarter.