Playlist

So, today, for fun, I decided to make a playlist of kind of depressing and deathly songs, but not too depressing. Maybe what one might listen to after hearing about the death of an old friend. It's still in the works. I'm going for detached contemplation rather than in-your-face angsty. I'm thinking of taking out the Franz Ferdinand (I've already taken out, well, many songs). I consider this a bit of a landmark for me - knowing enough about popular music to make a playlist. Yet I know I still know very little about the genre. Suggestions welcome.

1. Death Cab for Cutie - What Sarah Said
2. My Brightest Diamond - Disappear
3. Sufjan Stevens - To the workers of the rock river valley region...
4. Franz Ferdinand - Fade Together
5. Radiohead - How to Disappear Completely
6. Yann Tiersen - Comptine d'un autre... (from Amelie)
7. Sufjan Stevens - Casmir Pulsaki Day
8. The Decemberists - Of Angels and Angels
9. Coldplay - The Hardest Part
10. Radiohead - Street Spirit (Fade Out)

A Dollar Buys Impulse

Yesterday I had a very, very strong urge to buy an accordion. I was looking at some deals on eBay and thought that maybe I could get one (including shipping) for $50 or so. Then I thought, who knows in what condition it's in? Would I ever have time to learn how to play it? If I couldn't figure it out on my own, where would I find a teacher? How would I take it with me to graduate school? Where would I practice, and could I lug it all the way to the HFAC? If I decided to do street performing, would I really want to go all that way to Salt Lake? I finally talked myself out of it.

Then this morning I was walking through the bookstore on my way to work. I thought, "hey, my birthday was recently, I could buy myself something else other than that calligraphy set." I walked over to the classics section and decided $24 was way, waaay too much to pay for a book in the public domain. However, the Dover Thrift section really tempted me. For a minute I was about to buy Walden, Madame Bovary (both of which I have read), and Flatlands. I think it would have amounted to seven or eight dollars total. But I withstood this impulse: I've already read those books, and besides, I already own several books I haven't read yet (Don Quixote and volume two of Proust's Rememberance of Things Past chief among them). I could probably buy the books more cheaply at Moe's if I really wanted them.

Then this evening I went to the grocery store. I was about to buy a can of chili for a dollar, but told myself that I already had a few cans of chili and plenty of Ramen. Finally a deal presented itself that I didn't resist. A Hershey's Symphony bar (are candy bar names italicized?) for a dollar. And yes, I did have about 6 candy bars at home I hadn't eaten yet. Did I lose self-control for a moment? Did my impulse get the better of me? I don't really care. And this candy bar tastes sooooo good.

Use of tomatoes

My grandma frequently gives me food items that I don't really know how to use. Tomatoes are one such thing like this. I love tomatoes, but I don't really have any lettuce to make a really good sandwich with them. So this morning I made an omelet with a few slices. Verdict: A piece of bread with a tomato omelet is necessary. I wonder if you can fry plain tomato slices, and if they would taste good? Tomato chips?

Uses of tomato sauce (cont.)

So, last week I made a strange dish I'd like to call "lazy man's raviolis." It consists of those shell pasta things, chili, and tomato sauce. If you're skillful you can get some meat in the pasta and have that tomato sauce savor!

Dreams

Tonight I made a strange soup. It didn't even contain said oregano. However, it did contain tomato sauce, eggs, onions, and the usual vegetables. And now I have a bunch of leftovers and a stomachache.

I had a dream last night. I was on a mountain of evil, and I was trying to get away. There was a shortcut, but I had to say goodbye to the mountain and bite my wrists as I slid down to the water below. Blood was trailing everywhere. After I swam to a nearby island I thought I would feel better, but I didn't.

A dream I didn't have, but I should have, went like this. I was in Japan appreciating all the foreign-ness of the surroundings. I even ate some sushi (apparently I forgot that I am allergic to it). I ate a lot of rice too. Unfortunately I had a plane ticket for the next week, even though I was really enjoying myself. I decided to stop eating all the good Japanese food so I would miss it less when I went home. Then I became very unhappy.

A dream I didn't have, and shouldn't have had, went like this. As a rabbit with myxomatosis, I was isolated from all of the other rabbits until I went blind. Then I died.

So, the new Radiohead album is pretty awesome. It's a little short, which I guess is okay. Optimistic. says that it doesn't feel like an album as a whole, but could be listened to out of order and still make sense. I agree, but the songs on the album have a definite common feel. Kind of like, more electronic, more melodic, more minimalistic. The first listen was good, and I am just getting to like it even better (as we know familiarity breeds liking, in some cases). I did think to myself though, do I just like the songs because it's Radiohead, or is it genuinely cool music? I guess I'll never know... but it's really cool. I think my favorite tracks are "Nude" and "Videotapes."

I am now the proud owner of Mexican oregano. Or, as a friend of mine likes to call it, Mexican "oregano."

Soup

One of the best things about cooking is that I am always discovering new things. For instance, how incredibly easy soup is to make. Sure, peeling all those vegetables takes some time, but there's nothing horribly difficult about it. No strange "only stir for five minutes" or "change pans at least three times" complications. Lately I have been making different kinds of vegetable soup. It's cheap, hot, and healthy (Ramen only fits two of those criteria). I was even able to use up a tomato I didn't know what to do with. It was great on a sandwich but it was really huge so I still had a lot to eat in a short time. I hear that canned tomatoes work just as well though. Another thing I'd like to try is different spice combinations. Currently my spice collection consists of cinnamon and Garlic salt. I should at least have some basil or oregano. Oh, and I definitely want to eat spaghetti next week. Or how would spaghetti sauce taste in a soup (the answer is, it has been tried before)? Or chili? There are so many possibilities that I can try without having an extensive knowledge of chemistry.

I feel like I don't want to tell you about my life. I've returned to this blank blog page again and again, and I can't think of anything I want to share. Selfish me.

My old room

I've been home for a brief break in between the end of summer term and the end of my contract, and I've been staying in my room. The shelves full of books and the pictures on the wall bring back old memories, and the whole room seems like a shrine to my childhood self. Part of me really misses having my own room and a 2nd-story window overlooking a hill full of trees. I look at my old copy of the Aeneid in Latin and wonder how I ever pretended to translate it. My beanie babies on the shelves remind me of how I used to act out plays with them all as characters. They represented different people in my life... I'm a little concerned because the one that represented me is missing. It's like I'm not a part of their group anymore. I'm a stranger in my own room.

They are the same!

This is an announcement: I am not crazy. The melody in the Gorillaz's "Feel Good Inc." is almost identical to the part in No Doubt's "Comforting Lie" where she sings "I am Jekyll I am Hyde." And you know who came first? No Doubt. I wonder if it's a small enough similarity to be legal. (The part about not being crazy is where my roommate didn't believe me while I searched frantically, remembered the tune, but not the lyrics.)

google chat conversation as poetry

I can tell you a story about something disguisting I ate

remember how I bought that Rice Roni?
I bought it because it had the Golden Gate Bridge on the box.

ah, yes?

well I fixed it tonight

it said to saute the rice and vermicelli

so I did

then I was supposed to put in some water

and I almost burned myself

with all the steam

when it was finally done I was really hungry

but it was so salty

and the vegetables were dubiously real

and not very present

I ate half a bowl while watching TV

(and I can eat some pretty gross things while watching TV)

and I couldn't take anymore

it was an insult to my tastebuds

I should throw out the rest

No Dark Sarcasm in the Classroom

Suddenly all of my bark has been biting me. That is to say, all the research I have been involved in is suddenly asking me to do things other than attend meetings. This has caused me a little stress over the week, stress that induced me to make some lemon curd today and work 7 hours at work (as you can see I have great procrastination abilities). I'm also worried about my performance in a certain essay-intensive class. The thing is, I hate editing my writing, and I like getting things right on the first or second try. Lack of editing and overfaith in my sheer brilliance have led to some dull grades on essays, and I hope I don't make the same mistakes again.

I started Hofstadter's new book I Am A Strange Loop last weekend. It's great. Possibly more accessible than GEB, but not quite as funny.

Do you ever start thinking about life and think that it's all a charade? I became disillusioned with the music world when I discovered that politics play more of a role than skill at times. I didn't think psychology would similarly disillusion me. I feel so powerless to change anything in the world of psychology, let alone the world at large. I often feel like just another brick in the wall. Like it isn't worth it to actually think things out because it will only make me more unhappy later on if I see others with differing opinions.

Short

I bought new shoelaces yesterday. It was quite exciting. I also bought a pair of men's shorts that was on sale, and I can see why. No self-respecting man would wear these shorts. First, they are grey-black suede. If a man has suede something or other, it's probably going to be a wallet, or perhaps a jacket. Not shorts. The shorts are also impractical. There is no button-zipper mechanism, but only a strip of velcro (I can only imagine what difficulty this presents for the standing-up fashion of relief). To make matters worse, there is only one side pocket, and a lacey shoelace to mask the velcro. Don't you just love ugly clothes?

Hospital

Q: What do you call a psychotherapist who says that the far side of the moon is responsible for your primative urges?

A: A Neo-Floydian


So my adventures continue. On the fourth of July I was watching the fireworks from right behind the stadium, and unfortunately, I caught a burning ember with my eye. I had to go to the doctor's to get the ember out, and then see an ophthalmologist to determine that yes, there was nothing else in my eye, but it appears to be burned.

The ophthalmologist had a curious instrument, full of mirrors, lights, and lenses. I guess it could have been a phoropter, I should have asked. I wonder what my cornea looks like. I secretly like going to the doctor. I like waiting in the room and looking at all the bottles on the shelves and wondering what is in the drawers (after I've been to an office a few times, I usually garner enough courage to open the drawers and gaze at long, slender, stainless steel instruments). I like looking at other patients in waiting rooms and guessing what they're in for. Sometimes it's fun to look at the old magazines in the waiting rooms and see which articles are the most-thumbed. I'll bet the nurses have secret codes for things too.

Summer and school... great

As depressing as my work is sometimes, I try hard to make it funny. Unfortunately making fun of suffering people usually makes me look callous.

I don't really like my classes so far. They're at awkward times in the days and my teachers aren't super amazing or anything. Sometimes I still get frustrated that so many people have studied the art of teaching and how to teach in such a way as to make learning quicker and easier, and yet rarely do teachers actually use all this knowledge. I myself am guilty of this, which makes it all the more frustrating. I don't know why I'm taking classes this term, I should have taken some time off to just read books and study for the GRE. I'm tired of always having to be somewhere.

It's not really that bad of a life and I don't mind it. For one, I'm ungrateful. For two, listening to a lot of the same arguments is getting old. I should be more patient.

I was making a wishlist the other day. A very impractical one. It includes a lab coat, a typewriter (one of those classy manual ones), bowling shoes, and classic novels I have not yet read or purchased. Buying more books is problematic, because I already have six or seven books I still haven't read. Sometimes the acquiring of an object is more fun than actually using it though. I should explain the lab coat too. I pass them every time I walk through the book store. I think it would be hilarious sometime to show up to psychology research meetings in a lab coat. Maybe I could put cool things in the pockets, like... pencils for filling out questionnaires, rat chow, mini inkblot cards, and a pocket watch for hypnosis (kidding... there are better ways).

A pocket watch has long been an object of slight coveting for me (check out this baby). My $7 Target watch finally broke. Well it was just the straps, so I've been carrying around the actual clock portion like a pocket watch. Sometimes it's more convenient than a wristwatch, but a lot easier to lose. If you put a watch on your desk, it doesn't look as rude to the professor when you check the time. Pocket watches are also loads classier than wristwatches, although I've seen some nice wristwatches in my lifetime.

To complete the victorian entourage that comes with typewriters and pocket watches (or did they have typewriters back then), I would probably also have to have a nice pen and an inkwell to go with it, and perhaps some stationary so I could sit a write letters all day by candlelight. Sounds terribly boring, doesn't it? Gears are just so much nicer than batteries, I say. They should make an mp3 player that you can crank instead of putting batteries in it.

Care

Lately I've taken to appearing not to care about my studies. Someone will ask, "Aren't you worried about all your assignments that are due?" And I'll reply, "I'll worry about it when it comes up." The thing is, I really do care about my classes, but I wish I didn't care so much. Discontent with one's accomplishments can be a blessing though. While it prevents me from enjoying some of my free time, it also prevents me from wasting much of that time. At the very least, appearing as though I don't care will instill in others either contempt, a sense of awe, or help them feel calmer about their own studies.

Oh, summer term, you are so close. With your eager, just-graduated freshmen and your workaholic, no-nonsense seniors... teachers who are wearing shorts and cut the hard parts out of the syllabus. EFers running all around, and the hot sun beating on your back. Running through sprinklers on midnight strolls in the dark heat. Laying on the couch with ice in your mouth because the heat can't be beat. Ahh...

Privileged

Now that my honors thesis proposal has finally been approved, I get to check out books from the HBLL for 13 weeks at a time instead of 3. It was so worth it (granted, I'll be checking out more books like Watership Down, but hey, it always takes me more than 3 weeks to get started on these things).

Bass

How people interact is quite fascinating, because it's only predictable within a large behavior set.

You know, I feel incredibly blessed. I've been able to learn from a lot of people in my life (and a lot of books too, come to think of it).

So, me and the bass boost option have been at odds for some time. I refused to use bass boost because, well, that was artificially making the bass more prominent, and that means the music is not the same. Well, it turns out that the threshold for hearing low notes occurs at a higher volume than for mid and high notes. I knew this before, but it came up in one of my classes. So basically, if you're listening to a CD player at a low volume, you need bass boost to even hear those notes. Now I use bass boost, and I have no qualms about it. Yay!

Hot Dog!

I think the title is sufficient explanation.

Hot Plates

Hot plates are undoubtedly very useful. Not only can they be used as a scientific heating device, but they make stove top cooking more portable and convenient than a microwave. I imagine that, had I a hot plate, I could enjoy freshly warmed chili during class by strategically sitting near an outlet. I could warm my hands rapidly on a chilly day, and I could have a space heater for my room. Just think of all the possibilities. I bet you want one too.

Today I ate a combination of foodstuffs that managed to satiate me before it disappeared. It consisted of a baked potato, rice, and chili. And some tortilla chips.