Whistling in the Dark

Goals follow-up: Extensive reading!

2012-01-06T16:23:00.000-08:00

I've decided that for my goal in keeping up Japanese, I want to read in Japanese every day. This blog has some information on "extensive reading," and it sounds great: read in your target language and if you have to look up lots of words find something easier (the blog is also a great resource for online Japanese stories and how to buy used books in Japanese).

even their readers have a cute mascot

We've ordered more graded readers to help (we have Level 1, Vol. 1, whose five stories I finished this week. It's a great feeling to read a story without looking up tons of words!). I'm thinking I'll reread the stories to get the vocabulary a bit better. If I keep doing updates on this goal I will probably do it over at my failed Japanese language blog (I got really frustrated when youtube took down my 10-second clip of Fruits Basket. It's educational! It's fair use!).

Also, we planned out this week's meals! We didn't follow the plan exactly but it helped a lot with the "whadya wanna eat tonight?" "I dunno, whadda you wanna eat tonight?" problem.

2011 summarized and thought about

2012-01-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

Things I/We Did in 2011:

-Went to Japan, Bear Lake, Minecon, and California

-Raised Koko from puppy to... older puppy

-Themed parties (I know, dorky, but I think they are fun): Japan, Magic: The Gathering, Scrabble (was that this year? I can't remember), and Harry Potter

-Played about 40 hours of Persona 3 and I think I am only halfway through (but I beat Pokemon! And I have spent many hours playing Glitch. And I bought a lot of games... I need to spend less time reading about games and more time playing them.)

-Dropped out of grad school!

-Wrote about six articles for Deseret Connect

-Got to know my ward better somehow

-Decided to insist on tall jeans! If it's not long enough I don't want it!

-Attempted Christmas baking for the first time. It is a lot of butter and a lot of work.

-My husband's company was acquired by Autodesk. Holy taxes, complicated things.

Bear Lake's library is quaint; their raspberries imported.

little Koko!

Pretty much grown up?

How I think I have changed?:

-Mixed feeling about having children. I'd like to try it, but honestly some parents and children really scare me. Also I have decided not to stress out about being pregnant or not.

-I care more about cooking and housekeeping. These are things I will be doing a lot in the future, and dangit, I might as well get good at some of it, or find a way to get machines to do it for me (thank you, bread maker).

-I'm an elitist about some things. I don't have to tell everyone what I'm thinking about their taste in reading or music, but I am okay with thinking that some things are better than others.

-I think I'm less abrasive with others. If I think someone's diet is stupid, I don't usually say anything (although... is sugar really that bad for us?). But if someone asks me my opinion on something, I will be gently truthful!

Some library books are gorgeous

Things I'm trying to do this year:
-I would like to post to my video game blog twice a week, or at the very least once. I want to write posts about psychology research on video games, and I want to do an analysis of all the video game post mortems I can find.
-Read more manga! Seriously if I am reading a good manga I feel like I'm on vacation. It is a luxury I want to indulge more! I recommend Oishinbo, an 80s manga about foodies.

this is a matter of life and death!

-My husband made a goal to either walk Koko for 30 minutes or play DDR for 30 minutes. I think it's a good goal! I guess I would like to do either or both of those things every day, and maybe do some more youtube yoga videos.
-I want to at least plan dinner in advance each week. It makes me less stressed out about preparing food. I would also like to make a few really gourmet bentos this year (for Acius, or maybe for a summer picnic or something).
-I want to beat some video games! My favorite part of playing a game seems to be the beginning but beating a game is also very satisfying. But I don't want to keep playing a game I don't like... I just have a hard time starting sometimes, and then afterwards I think "why don't I do this more often instead of checking facebook all the time?"
-I would like to keep up on my Japanese language learning somehow, but I don't have a good plan. Even if I made some sort of schedule I doubt I would keep it;;... but maybe I can try scheduling an hour a day to study.
-I still have some vague dream of making a video game with Acius, so work on that somehow?

Grad School Postmortem

2011-11-29T13:51:00.001-08:00

Okay. I dropped out of graduate school. I was really sick of working on my thesis (seriously. I would get stomachaches and things). I was to the point where I was worrying about it all the time and procrastinating all the time and then when I did work on it it felt like I wasn't going anywhere. I thought about it a bit, and I decided that for the things I think would be really awesome to do in my life (be a video game journalist, make a video game, be a freelancer, be a mom), I don't need an MA. I would need an MA to teach composition, and I don't like teaching composition. It was a good experience to finish all the coursework for the degree--learning about feminism and aesthetics has been really helpful to how I criticize books and video games. But in the end I don't really need a master's degree in English.

So I'd like to do a postmortem kind of thing and maybe if you ever write a thesis you can avoid the mistakes I made.

Mistakes I Made:

-I was distracted with taking Japanese my last year in coursework. I liked studying Japanese a lot more than working on my thesis, which maybe says something about what I should have gotten a degree in.

-I sat on drafts. Early on in the drafting I pestered my adviser too much and he chastised me. Ever since, I was worried that I was bothering him. I would finish the things he told me to do and then try to anticipate what the next revision would be, instead of sending him back a draft quickly and waiting for a response. I should have worried less about being a bother and more about getting my tuition money's worth of feedback.

-I chose a professor on my committee who I had never worked with before, and she turned out to be kind of scary and have more sway over my other two professors than I thought she would. I wish I had had a professor on my committee that I felt better friends with--someone that I could have complained to a little but would also have been able to explain the weirdness of thesis-dom. I also would have liked someone on my committee who had read either House of Leaves or Portal. As it was, I felt like I could say anything about the works and no one would care whether or not my analysis rang true.

Frustrations with my Adviser (who is a nice person and a scholar and this isn't meant in a mean way, more as a retrospective, "I wish this had been different" way):

-Sometimes I would meet with him and he wouldn't have looked at my latest draft. Once he told me to make changes I had already made. This combined with my habit of sitting on drafts was frustrating.

-He had a vision for my thesis revision procedure that he didn't share with me from the beginning. Each time he gave me feedback, I was thinking "I'll do this and then it will be done," whilst he was thinking something like "after she reorganizes it, I'll tell her to reintegrate secondary criticism." When I found this out I was upset that our communication hadn't been clearer.

It was bad enough writing papers for one professor, but writing one for three was too much for my politically-anxious mind. I probably could have gone on and graduated, but I feel a lot better now for having made this decision. I feel like I can focus on what I want to do and not what I have to do. I have a plan for dinner every day this week and a cleaning schedule. I want to learn CSS and Javascript. Life is just better now.

Koko: Confused by whistling

2011-11-10T19:07:00.001-08:00

I actually worked on my thesis today, and then sent out a draft to my committee! So, much thanks to those of you who commented on my last draft, it was somewhat helpful (as was the feedback from my advisor). I'm not really sure if I will defend this semester, and I'm not really sure if I want to give it another semester if I don't.

Other things: We are going to Minecon next week! Let me know if you have swag requests or anything. Koko got spayed and she has been teething it up really bad, so we've been trying to be extra patient with her while she grows up. Also, whistling confuses her:

Oh, I finally finished watching LOST. I read up on some of the explanations for stuff. I feel kind of meh about the whole series, and I think there's some more potential for magical realism in TV shows.

The Domo-kuns of Japan

2011-11-09T11:19:00.000-08:00

I bought this folder in Japan and felt like sharing it. Please enjoy the many Domos of Japan.

Magic: the Gathering Treasure Hunt

2011-11-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

Back when my brother and I had our birthday party together I made him a Magic: The Gathering treasure hunt with clues I made to look like Magic cards (using this set editor). I tried to vary up where the "hint" was--from the picture to the flavor text I wanted to make it exciting to read the card (and not too hard). Making them reminded me of the Unglued set and now I am wishing that there were more humorous cards in Magic. Anyway, it was fun, and here are the clues. Feel free to steal them for your own treasure hunt, but making them is so fun that I recommend that.

Our deck

Koko's crate

The dryer

Some Miracle Grow

Bread

Toaster

The anxiety of the undone, and an invitation to help

2011-10-18T14:23:00.000-07:00

I feel like when I was in college classes, I could do a ton of different things and still have a social life and time for goofing off. But now that I'm in charge of scheduling my own days, time seems to shrink and I procrastinate things I need to do. Like put up the curtains we bought or clean the kitchen floor.

I'm still struggling with my thesis. I am so sick of it, but I can't forget that it's there. I try to get inspired by reading video game criticism but I feel like I really have nothing more to say about the postmodern journey myth. It's hard to feel very productive if I don't work on my thesis, even if I vacuumed/cleaned the kitchen/prepared to have an awesome party/blogged about GEEX. There's always in the back of my to-do list this huge looming mountain that is my thesis and I feel like it will never go away. Any fun I have playing a game is eventually turned into procrastination of the inevitable.

that sick cycle

2011-09-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

Day 1: Okay, fine, I'm sick. Day off! Video games! Try to stay away from people so I don't spread germs!
Day 2: I can do this. Wait, what the heck is going on in LOST? I've lost to this boss in Persona how many times? I am just not with it. That's it, I'm going to run around in Assassin's Creed.
Day 3: Maybe I'm feeling better. I might as well finish reading this book. Okay, I can do video games, yeah.
Today: I'm better right? How about I get dressed and everything, that will convince myself.

But no, I'm still weirdly sick. I feel like the master of a marionette which is my body, which I can't decide if it is a side effect of my decongestant or a symptom. Time stretches and shrinks. I feel dead tired and I almost fell asleep, but it felt really strange. You know sometimes when you're falling asleep you feel like you're falling and give a little hypnogogic jerk when you hit the bottom? Well, not like that at all, but the same semiconsciousness. It was like dreaming without any of the images, only the feeling of gradually getting higher or maybe falling out of bed, but not actually falling. When I think about my thesis I think of how neglected it is and resolve to write many pages tomorrow when I'm feeling better. Everything seems unsurmountable, but irrelevant. Stupid things like "Andrew Void-Webber" seem hilarious. You know, viruses.

Book projects in the last year

2011-09-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

I wanted to document some of my bookbinding projects from last year, and I only just now got around to uploading photos. I can't remember this binding type's name, but the entire cover is made from one expensive piece of paper. The endband is hand-sewn. I gave it to my older brother for Christmas last year:

This was a regular hardback I made with my mom's tastes in mind. It has yellow inside paper things and only got a little glue on it.

Below: This wasn't a bookbinding project, but it was a little book I made for a friend I was missing. I entitled it "Activites for Adults and Children Alike." I'd like to see a real book like this, with cutesy drawings and stuff. I took a signature from some paper I had cut and just sewed in together with some yarn.

I also made a Minecraft cookbook, which I put over on my gaming blog. I know that I'm no expert at bookbinding, but it was fun to make some books.

Children in Japan: Have They Ever Had Fun?

2011-08-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

The art of child raising in Japan generally has high expectations of children, but with a high amount of indulgence (and that’s not just anecdotal: see this study and this discussion).

Make Wise Mothers

The focus on children and their mothers began in the late Meiji period (1900s), when men’s jobs kept them away from home and women had the responsibility to become the family’s “supreme ruler.” Many of these women learned how to be “wise mothers” from their education; the last two years of girls’ high school was devoted to becoming a good mother. That makes sense--it takes time to learn how to make tempura and learn to teach children morality (girls’ morality classes were twice as long as boys’). While the samurai lifestyle expected children to be little adults, the turn of the century saw a heightened sensitivity to children’s needs. It’s this emphasis on mother-child relationships that, in my opinion, led to its idealization and spillover into non-maternal relationships (referred to as amae, but that’s a discussion for another day).

Expectation of the Superior Student

So as not to cramp the child’s energetic nature and individuality, mothers started giving their children more practical clothing and their own self-decorated rooms. This included in one instance, hanging the bookshelves crooked at the child’s request. The child was to have the most spacious, sunniest room (as referenced in Real World: "We'll make Ryo's room the sunniest one on the second floor"). Along with these indulgences, mothers expected their children to be “superior students.” The pressure on boys and girls to be at the top of their class so as to get a good job later on remains to this day. And it wasn’t just for men; the higher and more prestigious a woman’s education, the higher her desirability as a wife.

Mothers and Children In Japan Today

Many mothers are also working, though they do not receive the same seniority pay raises as their male counterparts, and about 40% of Japanese people think that women shouldn’t work while they have children at home (my source is from 1999). There’s still this incredible pressure on children to do well in school, but Japanese people are recognizing that sometimes kids need a break from studying. Indeed, one magazine found that children who had time to relax in the summer got better grades (so... they want children to relax so they can do better in school, basically).

I think it’s great for a mother to stay home with her children if she is able to and desires to do so. I don’t think I would raise a child in the indulgent style, but it appears to work alright. What do you think of traditional Japanese child rearing practices?

Most of the information in this article came from Children as Treasures.

Another Koko vid

2011-08-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

Here's Koko tearing apart a thistle. She's 12 weeks old now, and she's getting even more energy and chewing on everything. Thanks to Koko, we've been going for more walks, and I've been trying to get up earlier (although for a while I was waking up to let her out and then crashing for another three hours).

I'm trying out new ways to study Japanese. I've started yet another blog, mostly for myself, where I take clips of anime and write out what they're saying in Japanese. It's a little harder than I thought it would be! So, I'm looking for anime with good examples of daily speech and especially polite speech. So far I think I have plenty of material to work with. I'm also thinking of getting a conversation partner through livemocha or something. Maybe I'll start out with a blog on lang8; chatting to friendly strangers is scary! But I guess the worst thing that could happen would be that I have to block someone (or get taught the wrong things).

August rain and lunches

2011-08-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Koko snoozing

Koko at 10 weeks looks out the window

I think it has rained every day for the past two weeks. It even hailed a ton one day:

It's the first August in Utah I've had where it is possible to be outside at 3pm and be comfortable in pants. I love the cooler weather, and I'm sure there will be a hot day somewhere down the road that really feels like summer. I got super-soaked by a four-year-old and Koko did nothing to protect me. She fled, not even barking a threat. Maybe when she's older she'll be less bitey of me and less scared of everything (last week the vacuum was nothing, this week it's a monster about to eat me).

We got a breadmaker, and even though I've messed up the last two recipes, the products have been delightfully edible. Oh, and I picked up some old bento boxes from Balgram, which renewed my vigor in making them (also, I promised I would use them, so this post is in part proof). I've been looking to Bento Love for inspiration; I love all the photos. Here are all the lunches I've made in the past week (also, sorry about how Blogger and photos never get along):

Zuccini, cabbage, mushrooms, and ground beef. I forgot to salt the beef.

Steamed cabbage with blanched bean sprouts and bonito flakes on the right. The left is shrimp taco leftovers: Red onion, corn, and shrimp combine with mango and cilantro (thanks to my Aunt Melissa for the idea)

Barley salad from Shana's recipe sharing circle; that stuff is rice pudding. Two tiers is especially nice for this kind of setup.

Spaghetti with green beans, chicken, mushrooms, and spinach

Spinach, sweet omelet, and ginger garlic chicken over rice (pickled ginger garnish)

Having leftovers like the chicken and spaghetti made making these lunches a lot easier. It also helped that I was getting up earlier to take Koko out (although I've simply gone back to bed some mornings). It's a way I show my love for my husband, and also it helps me experiment with new food stuff in a low-risk situation. I'm still content with a bagel and an apple for lunch, but I think making myself a portion beforehand is a good way to make sure I actually eat something other than pieces of bread (the laziness of the afternoon!). Anyway, that's what the last two weeks have been like.

Ethnic Food in Japan

2011-07-29T13:02:00.000-07:00

Now, another Japanese culture post! Tufugu has even more Japanese cultural bizarreness.

You’ve heard of the uncanny valley, right? When a robot is really lifelike, but just different enough to be creepy and unsettling--that’s uncanny. That’s how it feels to eat some Japanese ethnic food. It’s just... not quite right. What’s so weird about it?

Italian-Japanese Food

Pasta is kind of like noodles, so it makes sense to put shrimp and crabs in it, right? Lasagna is pretty much the same, except with the seasoning toned down to perfect blandness. And the pizza... well, as you can see, toppings at this restaurant were arranged in a sakura-blossom pattern, and the pizzas were tiny and made with minimal cheese. Patrons ate everything with chopsticks. Makes perfect sense for Japanese people, just kind of unsettling for me.

French-Japanese Food

Most bakeries in Japan have French/European influence, but with modifications for Japanese tastes. The most popular bread is snow-white and fluffy, but sourdough and cinnamon-raisin bread are available. About 90% of the bread is sweet, but there are sausage rolls (yes, including fish sausage rolls). I’m actually a big fan of anpan and melon bread. Probably the weirdest thing in Japanese bakeries is how perfectly iced the cakes are. Crepes, available from street-side vendors, are offered with the usual fillings (strawberry, chocolate, and custard) with the occasional exotic place offering savory fillings. Probably the weirdest thing about crepes is that they’ve been made into food you can eat on the go: wrapped up with a paper cone like an ice cream.

American-Japanese Food

If you ask for a hanbaagu (ハンバーグ) in a restaurant, you’ll get something that looks like the above. It’s kind of like meatloaf, and due to the insane price of beef in Japan, it’s a good way to stretch out hamburger meat. There are McDonald's in Japan, which are very popular with both adults and children; if you want an actual hamburger it’s hanbaagaa (ハンバーガー). This ad suggests that children are indeed, wild about McDonald's:

And now, for the most unexpected interpretation of an eggroll:

Yes, that’s a roll with a mashed-up boiled egg on top. Yum!

There are tons more hilarious versions of ethnic foods in Japan (soy burgers, sardine pizza, oh and no one knows what a taco is). What’s the weirdest/most uncanny ethnic food you’ve come across?

Koko video

2011-07-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

This is Koko running around our backyard. She loves pouncing on anything moving (flies included), so I think we'll have to include waggling shiny things around her as part of the playtime routine.

In other news, I went to the Decemberists concert in SLC and it was AWESOME. Seriously. They had dueling guitar solos and everything. Keep the classical cadenza tradition alive through rock!

PUPPY

2011-07-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

We have a puppy. She's a shiba inu named Koko and she's 8 weeks old, and she is super-adorable. And it's a good thing too, because she is basically a patience-testing machine. I'm learning what kinds of chew toys she likes and how to get her so worn out that I have some time to not worry about her while she's sleeping. She's doing very, very well with housetraining (probably thanks to her excellent breeder). She also wants to chew our chairs and dig through the last stair. So if you have tips on helping puppies chew the right things I am game.

NHK’s Efforts to Teach a Nation English

2011-07-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

A little background here: I wrote some posts on Japanese language/culture for an internship application. I didn't win the internship (no surprise), but I'd still like to share the posts, because I worked hard on them and I think they're interesting.

Japanese people really, really want to learn English. as evidenced by the sheer amount of English learning material produced and consumed in Japan. Most of us know the problems with traditional English learning in Japan: too heavy reliance on kana pronunciations, overly focused on rules and not focused enough on fluent, self-generated speech. While they may not be famous for good oral proficiency, most Japanese people do pretty well with written English, and they’re trying really hard to get better at speaking. What are they doing right?

Trad Japan

NHK, Japan’s public broadcasting company, has a large English-teaching empire. One facet of this is the monthly Trad Japan. The magazine is a collection of short essays about Japan in Japanese and English, with explanations of tricky phrases.

To round it out, they’ve transcribed some interviews with a proper-sounding British person (you know, to get conversational English in there). The website has English audio samples of the material, and it really looks like they’re doing their best to keep adult learners interested by discussing Japanese culture from a westerner’s point of view while using real English.

Little Charo 2

From the same company comes English education for Japanese children. The cartoon Little Charo 2 (リトル・チャロ２) is set in a universe where animals speak English (humans still speak Japanese). English becomes a cipher to decode; the key to understanding the fantasy-like “middle world.”
The series has a website where children can test their knowledge with quizzes and role-playing video clips (completing the “scrambled scenes” rewards you with the Japanese of the English sentences). Little Charo even has his own DS game: (embed this youtube video here)

Along with Little Charo 2, NHK has a variety of bilingual shows for adults. Personally, I’d love it if we had some bilingual shows other than Dora the Explorer and more language learning DS games. NHK has the right idea: make language learning part of your daily entertainment, and make it fun with good design and interesting content. What aspects of Japanese English-learning material do you admire?

Moving Along

2011-06-24T20:39:00.000-07:00

Okay. Most of you probably know that I had a miscarriage. The fates have given men an enduring heart, etc. I have since watched most of the Adventure Time cartoons and beat Pokemon White. It was painful, but it was also wonderful to see the support everyone gave me.

This might be weird, but I feel like now that I don't have pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy anymore, I'm starting to expect more of myself. This week I dug grass out of the flowerbeds in my backyard every morning (thank you, brainygamer podcasts, for making this process relevant to my aspirations). I worked on my thesis every day, though some days were more productive than others. I sent in an application to be an intern at tofugu.com, and I pitched an idea for an interview with a game composer to the Killscreen. I made a profile on Deseret Connect that I haven't done anything with, but I feel like I can at least keep myself busy with my aspirations to be a freelance writer/blogger.

I also hung out with a new friend and her kids today and biked to her house and back. I feel like I don't really belong in a place unless I've biked there, so it was good to get to know my neighborhood better. And I can bike to the library if I really want to. I started playing Ocarina of Time with the vintage game club. I'm planning to host a Japan party in a month (let me know if you want an invite). And I want to get a puppy (displaced maternal instinct be darned).

Adventure Time!

2011-06-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

I love "Adventure Time." It's a cartoon series by Cartoon Network, and it makes me want to give American cartoons another chance. Finn is a 28-year-old dog and Jake is a 12-year-old boy and they have adventures. Sometimes I feel like a 12-year-old for watching it, but sometimes there are nerd jokes or plain funny things. I also like the art style. It's not trying to be anime, or trying to be some edgy artsy thing--it just feels fun and maybe a little silly. The world is similar to the ones I used to imagine with my siblings, minus Orcs and Ents and plus the candy kingdom and an awesome tree house. I think you can watch it streaming over at the Cartoon Network website. Also, am I missing out on other awesome American cartoons? Let me know.

I also love pastime books. I think I have about six I Spy books now, and some of them are really hard! I like that I can say I'm equipped to keep any 4-15 year old occupied for a half hour. I also got my copy of Fun for Boys and Girls that Genuine Draft suggested, and it's kind of hilarious and odd (envelope people, how to speak pig Latin, ransom notes actually called "paste-up" notes, etc.). It was published in the 1940s, and some of the items in the book reveal weird fashion trends. For instance, it appears that the cool thing to do was to wear skull caps and jackets with things people wrote on them embroidered on. Weird!

I think it's because I'm pregnant, but I just feel like a little kid sometimes. I'll be cranky or hungry and not even realize it, and I get all emotional sometimes. I think it's a good reminder that children aren't fully aware of themselves and have less control over their emotions. And, well, maybe pregnant women too.

My gaming blog and links

2011-06-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

Oh, yeah. I forgot to mention this, although you probably already know. I want to become a game journalist, so I made a new blog called The Ludi Bin at thepretentiousgamer.blogspot.com.

Also, I added some more links to my sidebar, because Google integrated their analytics into blogger and now I have no excuse for not seeing stats about page views and such. I noticed that some of you were referring people to my site and I decided to return the favor. If you're disappointed that I didn't link you, just drop a comment and something might happen.

Biking and Diets

2011-06-07T12:35:00.000-07:00

I tried to do some maintenance on my bike today, which I found kind of cool and also frustrating. Armed with this book, I was happy to find that gear-shifting failure is supposedly super easy to fix! Unfortunately, I don't have the same patience with books when I'm hunched over my bike with a screwdriver (it turns out some of the screws on a bike are not supposed to be screwed in all the way).

In other news, I am pregnant, and I have been looking into nutritious diets. The past few weeks I have been just kind of eating as much as I can and hoping the best (and taking folic acid, don't worry Mom!). The book Nutrition and Physical Degeneration is a kind of outdated but thorough study in what happened when white flour and other Terrible things were introduced into traditional diets (invariably, tooth decay and tuberculosis set in). I'm intrigued by the benefits of cutting down on white flour and refined sugar, but I haven't been able to find much modern research on the subject (but I have found plenty of people who want to rebel against "politically correct" diets). I'm also not sure if I could give up cereal and white bread; I suppose I could eat oatmeal and rye or wheat bread. Anyway, I've ordered a cookbook of traditional cooking methods, and I hope they are accessible enough to try out in a modern kitchen and good-tasting. It's not just raw foods, it has bread and stuff in it. I'm a big proponent of moderation, but I'm also open to trying out new things.

Packing lunch

2011-05-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

I've been inspired by bento-style lunches and decided to try my hand at it. Last Friday I packed half-hamburgers:

Monday was salad, leftover mashed potatoes, and egg salad sandwiches:

Tuesday was 2 onigiri (rice balls; they're the triangle-shaped white things), Asian salad, lemon yogurt, instant miso, and beans (which Adam returned with. Apparently you need bread with baked beans).

Wednesday was Asian salad 2nd try, with leftover potato salad and vanilla pudding with a cookie. I also gave him some bread to have with yesterday's beans.

Thursday was company lunch for Adam, and Friday was just leftover bean soup and steamed potatoes/carrots. For dinner tonight I made sushi:

I tried making sausage sushi for the first time. It's... definitely American. The other rolls are permutations of crab sticks, shrimp, sweet omelet, and carrot. The only thing raw was the carrot. They were good with soy sauce and mayo! I was really proud of trying to make new things for lunches. In the past I've had the same thing every day: bagel, apple, granola bar, and yogurt. Adam is helping me see the virtue in variety, and while sometimes it's a struggle for me, I think it's very rewarding to think of good food to make with what food is available.

On tourism

2011-05-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Being in Japan made me painfully aware of my status as an American (complete with huge suitcases). It reminded me of some David Foster Wallace essay (I think) about how tourists are ruining the thing they are there to see: culture unsullied by their influence (this blog write out a quote on the topic, but it isn't quite what I was remembering). Adam attributed this feeling to some depressing hipster vibe, but I don't think it's a new idea.

It was a weird feeling to see other foreigners in Japan. It was at once a feeling of comradary and defensiveness ("I thought I was the only white person who knew about Japan!"). Of course, both feelings are ridiculous. Nevertheless, among the excitement of being introduced to a new country is also the feeling that I could never fit in perfectly, as I am not Japanese and was not raised in Japan. I think that's something America has over Japan: even if you don't know all the social rules and don't speak American, you can still feel like an American.

Japanese dogs are cute

2011-05-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

I love this Japanese dog breed. It's which is called "inu" ("dog"). It almost tempts me to buy a dog... except I know it would be a lot of work and then everything might smell like dog forever. Also, it's expensive to get a certain breed (although I found an older inu selling for a reasonable price). Anyway, maybe someday.

Back from Japan

2011-05-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

We're back from Japan! I uploaded all my cell phone pictures on Facebook, so you can go look at them there (it's easier to write captions and stuff on FB). It was really exciting and exhausting! The weather was wonderful. We did so much walking and every night our feet hurt, but it was totally worth it.

I experienced jet lag for the first time. I could sleep fine at night, but I would get super tired around 10 or 11 in the morning (my bedtime in the US?). I was also hungry at the wrong times for the first 3 or 4 days. We're still getting back into the swing of US time. We went sightseeing most of the time, and I think Adam blogged pretty well about that (I link his blog on the sidepanel somewhere).

I also think I have a small understanding of "culture shock." I think it's kind of a weird phrase; it's not shocking that another culture is different, but it is sometimes unanticipated. I tried to read up on culture and etiquette in Japan. This is the big shocker: sometimes books will tell you to avoid doing something, and some Japanese people will do it! I saw a guy wiping his face with the warmed hand towel at a restaurant. Sometimes they don't say "Itadakimasu." Most public bathrooms we saw didn't have special toilet shoes. It was hard to get used to some things and using a squatting toilet was scary for the first time (but I watched how-to videos on youtube so I was prepared). Everyone seemed very stylish and well-dressed; I felt stupid in my jeans and t-shirt. Even mentally ill and disabled people seemed well-dressed. The nice thing about Japan is that they really do try to not embarrass you (unless they're talking about how your chopstick skills are improving). I loved the different uniforms at the hotels and the fact that they still called staff members "concierge" and "bell hop."

Speaking of fashion, crocs are completely different there. I know they are a symbol of anti-fashion here (not quite like these high-heeled Tevas, but almost), but there they actually looked good. They come in non-annoying colors and have a white stripe on the bottom that has a smaller navy stripe in the middle (check it out). They don't have the stupid side holes that just get dust and stuff in your feet. Anyway, I guess you can tell I'm leading up to this, but I bought a knockoff pair in an import store there (~500 yen). ...none of the other shoes in Japan fit me ;; Also, they wear sandals with socks (nice color-coordinated socks, mind you), and it looks good. And I realized that they have a tradition of wearing socks and sandals (duh, kimono shoes. I'm still not a fan of the white sock + black sandal look). They also had wonderful, wonderful socks with lace cuffs that looked formal and were not stockings/tights (I am into any excuse not to wear stockings).

One thing that surprised me was that... I felt like I didn't speak all that much Japanese, and I was surprised by simple things I didn't know (like when the waitress asked us if we had already ordered). The main obstacle to my not using Japanese was probably Adam. He would read things and translate for me. I admit it, I'm lazy! If I can get away with not reading something I won't. This is a bad thing... it led me to buy a fashion training game instead of kanji training game. A lot of games start with 大人 and end with トライニング. So if you're looking for one of those training games, pay attention or you might end up with common sense or geography training instead of what you wanted. Also, most of the people I talked to while I was there understood some English. It probably would have forced me to learn Japanese better if I had been actually speaking it... but I was mostly trying to read a little here and there and kind of surviving.

I bought a ton of video games. DS games: a kanji study aid for the DS (which seems a little hard, even though it says "start from zero"), a Taiko game (drum rhythm game), a Rilakkuma game with mini-games that use rhythmatic patterns, and that Tomodachi game where you make wii-like minis and have your character make friends with them. The Taiko game is by far the most fun without any reading, but the others are also interesting. We also got a Japanese PS2 and some PS2 games, including Princess Maker 4, which is excellent reading practice (usually there is a voice that reads the text which you click through), and is fun as I enjoyed Princess Maker 2. I played it for a few hours this morning. It's a time management kind of stat-cruncher where you direct your adopted half-deamon daughter to go to school or work or take a break (apparently she has to make all the money). Maybe it's not for everyone, but it is just my cup of tea. Boku no Natsuyasumi (My summer vacation) is a little more difficult, because the text goes away after the anticipated reading time, but is still fun. You're a young boy on vacation in some countryside and you can do things like swim around and milk cows.

Along with games we bought some manga (mostly Naruto; I got the first two Yotsuba books and the first three Azumanga Daio, which doesn't have furigana;;). We also bought books. I found a Mameshiba book that is hilarious. We got some storybooks and an excellent Anpanman vocabulary book. Adam found a book that consists entirely of different foods that start with the previous food's ending syllable (I forgot the name for that game). Next time you are over we would love to show you. You know how we love our books. I also bought three stuffed animals (I limited myself!!): Totoro, Scraggy, and a little Cheburashka. Also tons of stationary and some stamps. Basically we decided to take stimulating the Japanese economy into our own nerdy hands. :-) I'm pretty sure I had more to write about, but that's probably enough for now. Later!

BREAD

2011-04-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Ever since I tried to make dinner rolls four years ago and ended up with dough all over my hands and my grandma had to emotionally resuscitate me and show me how to work with roll dough, I have been afraid of making anything I had to knead. I started simple a few months ago with pizza dough. My first try flopped (whole wheat pizza dough requires a whole wheat recipe), but I tried again and met success. Then I made cinnamon rolls last week, which were surprisingly easy to make (it just took a lot of time and dishes). So this week I felt ready to try baking bread. I used the Joy of Cooking recipe for two loaves (I couldn't find my mom's recipe) and kneading was really hard. I kneaded for ten or 15 minutes and I just gave up when I was exhausted. Luckily the product was edible. Today I have returned to my traumatic introduction to breads (dinner rolls), but this time when the dough stuck to my hands I was ready with a spoon and lots of flour. The kneading was pleasant and much easier than with the wheat bread. The didn't come out looking like Mom's but they are tasty. Hey, if I'm going to sit at home and play video games all day I might as well bake bread!

My strengths and weaknesses, glossed

2011-04-19T19:18:00.000-07:00

This person who I am friends with has a blog and it updates the perfect amount. Not too much that I get sick of it, but enough that I'm like "oh, yeah, this is interesting." She posted about how weird it is that people don't perceive you the way that you perceive yourself. Rather than comment with some essay I thought I would post here about it.

One way to look at the difference, roughly, is to have friends fill out johari squares for you (maybe you remember when I did this about five years ago. These were my results; I also did the nohari. If you never did it before and want to fill out the johari for me, go ahead! Maybe I've changed). You can look at the results yourself. I think the way others perceive me depends partly on who they are and when they interact with me. For example, most people in my ward tend to label me as intelligent since they know I'm in grad school. But in my graduate cohort, we're all smart so my defining feature gets to be something like "cynical" or "cheeky." With my family [incl. in-laws] everyone is cheeky so I think I'm more defined by being easily embarrassed. I don't know, I'm making it up.

I used to think that one of my better traits was sticking with things and enduring, but I now see this as more of a neutral trait. And I've come to realize that I'm not better at finishing things than other people are. Other people say that I am introverted, but compared to how I used to be, I am a veritable social butterfly! And I think that now that I'm not taking social psychology classes I have toned down on my "actually, research shows..." (maybe it just feels like that because my husband does it too?).

One positive trait I have that I was vaguely aware of is that I don't mind admitting that I don't know something. Maybe I got this from my mom? But if I don't know something, I'm pretty sure that I could learn it if I wanted to (with the exception of physics, possibly).

Oh great, another introspective blog post all about me. Maybe I never matured from being a teenager. Wait, I think I did. I don't write emo poetry anymore. :-)

More free time!

2011-04-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

Classes are over and I have time to do things like play video games woo! I have been enjoying Dragon Age: Origins which my sister lent me (along with several other games I'm excited about) and Kirby's Epic Yarn, which I was going to buy for myself as a reward for graduating... but oh well. I really like them both. Dragon Age is everything I missed in FFXIII: a storyline where I understood what was going on, a role I could actually play, conversations with options, that kind of thing. I'm still not very good at combat (I usually try to stay off to the side and just use spells as quickly as possible. Why don't I know more ranged spells?).

Kirby is very very fun. Based on the opening video, it feels like it was made for a kindergartener, and it is kind of easy... but I like easy games sometimes! I love the art style (fabric/organic textures) and the 2-player mode isn't bad either. There are some creative creatures and things that Kirby can turn into. Mario is a little hard for me so I think Kirby is the perfect thing ^__^.

I've also been playing DDR. I'm hoping to play every morning for an hour or so to get exercise and also have fun playing video games.

In other news, I did awesome closet-tetris-fu with the guest room and now I don't feel terrible every time I walk into the room. I have my Japanese finals tomorrow and then the last scholastic thing for me to do will be my thesis rewrite, which I have been basically ignoring due to stress/being annoyed that I'm not done yet. Today I looked at jobs on craigslist and noticed that I qualify for maybe one of them. Great job Whistler. Oh yeah and we leave for Japan soon!!

Conference weekend

2011-04-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

I have yet to come to a happy medium with my conference weekend activities (conference being the weekend when LDS prophets give sermons to all their members and anyone else willing to listen for 8 hours, with breaks). One year I happily cleaned my room. I've had years where I diligently take notes and feel gross from watching TV that long. This year I may have gone to the other extreme: I washed the kitchen floor, did my calligraphy homework, finished the mending, made breakfast and lunch, and also stared at talking heads (I've been contemplating individual differences in appearance, i.e., characterization, in hopes that some day I can draw people who look different from each other). And I think maybe I tried to do too much during conference, because I don't really feel like I had a favorite talk (although that one about keep on loving your spouse does stick out a bit). Although, to be honest, conference talks seem incredibly abstract to me even if I can take notes. It's just much easier to visualize the organization when the talk has an organizational element (for me, seeing them broken up into paragraphs helps here). I guess I could just wait until the talks go online and read them, rather than listen to them, but for some reason that feels... not as good?

One thing that I decided to start on is to start buying some of the music I have... acquired over the years. I think it will be a good summer project.

Things I can look forward to

2011-03-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not defending this semester. It is mostly my fault for not being brilliant (but if they were going to tell me to rewrite it, why didn't they tell me sooner?). I'm maybe not graduating until December, unless I can convince one of my professors to skype while he's in England. I was super bummed at first, but you know, it's not like I had pressing plans for later this year that required me to have my degree. My PS3 doesn't care if I have an MA or not. You will probably love me the same whether I have an MA or not. I'm not really sure why I want the degree, all things considered (because... I like finishing things?).

I have other things to look forward to! I am excited for David Foster Wallace's posthumous novel The Pale King to arrive tomorrow! Like every other contemporary-literature-loving hipster, I was puzzled and enthralled by Infinite Jest. The Pale King is unfinished, but it will be a heckuva lot more interesting than The Original of Laura (Nabokov's posthumous novel which was a lot of index cards, but not really a novel). I used to think that getting excited about books or movies or games the opening day was kind of silly (while reading the Harry Potter novels the day they came out, or with the 7th, the day before), but now I'm totally down with it! Daily life can get boring, why not buy something new and shiny on its newest and shiniest day? I'm doing this with Portal 2 as well. Maybe if I were more hardcore I would stay up until midnight at a store... but no one in Utah was doing release parties (is it sad that I checked?)... so I ordered it from Amazon.

Other things for me to look forward to besides my never graduating would be the Arcade Fire concert next month (wooo!) and going to JAPAN. Yes, we're staying in Osaka instead of Tokyo... but it means we get to see the cherry blossoms at Yoshino, which the Japanese tourist site says is the best place to see them. I admit I was kind of down about not being able to go to the Ghibli museum, but this totally makes up for it (watch, there will be a huge storm right beforehand... but even then, at least the ground would be full of cherry blossoms, right?). If you have a burning need for something in Japan, let me know in the next month or so (you might get something out of me depending on how large it is and how closely you are related).

Enjoying my free time

2011-03-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

Recently I have decided that if I am doing something for fun and it is not fun, I will stop doing it. This seems pretty basic, but I think I have had a problem with this? Especially with reading books, I find myself reading a book because I "should" like it or just because I want to know why everyone else liked it. Well, if I'm reading a book and I'd rather be playing a video game, what am I doing reading? So I've kind of taken a break from reading. I know there are books that I really do like reading, but... I don't know. I haven't been enjoying it as much.

I don't know how to explain it, but this really applies to everything I've been doing. I haven't turned into a short-term hedonist, but if I'm doing something for no reason then... duh, why am I doing it? I realized in the middle of playing FFXIII that it was boring me, despite how pretty it was, and I couldn't imagine playing it for 30 more hours. So... I don't think I'll finish it! I don't need to play all the final fantasies to have nerd cred or something... and I don't need to read everything Dostoevsky wrote to have nerd cred. There are plenty of things I actually like doing that make me cool. The thing that annoys be about, well, past me, is that I felt I had something to prove (?) so I spent all that time doing things I only kind of enjoyed in my free time.

Something I really did enjoy was eating yam fries with fry sauce on Sunday night. I love me some fry sauce. Then we had oatmeal pancakes with fresh strawberries on top. Why am I not eating yam fries with fry sauce EVERY DAY? Is there any other way to get that delicious vinegary sweet taste?

Towards a more balanced pokemon paradigm

2011-03-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

I have decided that Pokemon has a terrible strength/weakness system (for reference, see this chart of Pokemon type effectiveness). You can start with a fire, water, or grass pokemon, but grass pokemon (pokemen?) seem to be at a big disadvantage. Five types of pokemon are x2 damage against grass, and grass types also deal less damage to 7 types (compared to 3 and 4 for fire and 2 and 3 for water). Additionally, this makes it so that one of the easiest strategies against a single-type pokemon gym-trainer is to simply train pokemon they're weak against. I was trying to think of ways to make the game better, strategy-wise. Here are some ideas:

-Instead of type weaknesses, make the weaknesses be associated with the pokemon's battle position. For instance, if a Squirtle is sitting there glaring at its opponent, it should be better able to dodge. Likewise, if they're in the middle of fury swipes, they could be taken off guard by a sleeping spell. Maybe the pokemon could have varying in-battle stats reflecting their psychological state (frustration, overall happiness, "calmness," something like that). That way you could adjust the traits for their status changes and not have strange things happen like a sleeping pokemon who suddenly wakes up and does a takedown.

-Starcraft: Pokemon. You choose what kind of trainer you are going to be at the beginning of the game. Zerg trainers get to keep up to like 20 pokemon at once, but their collective levels can't exceed [some number that changes gradually over time] and work better in packs. Okay, sorry, it's a terrible idea.

-Get rid of the hundreds of pokemon and just have like 25, with 5 types instead of 17. This way even casual gamers can actually strategize on what types of moves are better??

-Zelda: Pokemon. You have battling abilities as a trainer and your pokemon just kind of help. Never mind, that's stupid.

-Post-apocalypse: Pokemon. Have everything be brutally realistic. To catch your first pokemon you have to throw rocks at it, then nurse it back to health. You can train your pokemon without having it battle other pokemon (by throwing rocks at it and making it do laps?). If it dies, that's it! You have to teach it the rules of combat, and wild pokemon don't know these rules (in fact, you have to hunt pokemon down with your sniper-sight). You can sneak up on pokemon, but stronger ones might sneak up on you. In fact let's not call this one pokemon but something like "pack dogs" because that is kind of what I'm going for.

Maybe it's just that the RPG mechanic is both soothing and too-easy-feeling... but I feel like pokemon could drastically change everything and still be a fun game (though with their funding, it would be surprising if they didn't make a good one). I'm playing Pokemon White right now and I like feeling like I'm 12 again, but I'm also reminded by the things that now seem stupid about the game. It's probably the best of the Pokemon genre, but seriously, they could change a few things to make it more balanced/fun.

Contact is the DS's Earthbound

2011-03-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

Contact is a cute and hilarious stat-cruncher action-adventure game for the DS. The gameplay is fairly simple, but knowing how to exploit the experience system requires some sophistication; you get more experience for doing harder things, so dying usually means you just gained a lot of exp. I wish I had known how to make potions earlier though, it would have saved me some stat grinding (it's herbs + water!). A walkthrough is helpful for some of the weirder puzzles, and I really wish there had been a way to fill multiple bottles with water at the well (as it is, you have to do them one at a time). However, the storyline is unique in that "you" the player are not synonymous with the protagonist (very postmodern). Terry is explicitly controlled by you through the professor's computer. There are a few rare times when you lose control of Terry and it made me think about how difficult it is to develop the character of the player's character in a game. Hotel Dusk was able to create a sense of character through the actions of the protagonist you couldn't control (sometimes he would just say something or get angry without your permission), but those times were also somewhat frustrating. It's a weird problem.

Contact is not quite as epic as the SNES game Earthbound, but it has the same sense of humor. One island is a gigantic electronics store where you can kill zombie gamers to get weird games. On almost every island there is a girl who will like you (er... Terry) if you give her the right gift. Additionally, after you beat the game (which is admittedly a little short, but I am okay with that), there are still sidequests and skills to gain. One of my favorite aspects of the game is the cooking system. I don't know why, it's just so fun to try to put different ingredients together to see if they will make something new! The only drawback to the game is that you have to save a save points, so it's more of a "sit down and play it while you are in the car for 2 hours" rather than a "play while you wait for your husband to pick you up at school."

If you see the game at Gamestop or something, I recommend picking it up (it should be ~$8)! I regret that since I bought it used, I didn't get to read the manual (which I hear is also hilarious), but maybe the website has a similar feel.

On last note: the music is SO much better with headphones. Those little DS speakers just cannot get bass out.

Game Dev Story

2011-03-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

Game Dev Story is an addicting stat-grinding $2 game for smartphones. I bought it because the graphics were cute and the ratings were high, and I pretty much played it all day for the next two days (okay, more like 2-3 hours, but be warned: it's addicting!). You're a game developer in charge of hiring and maintaining your staff (the guy on fire in the screen shot is having a flow moment). You start out making cheap PC games and can end up making your own console. You can train or level up your employees and buy advertising for your games. The controls are pretty good for a touch game, though backing out of menus can be tricky. In my mind it's perfect for a phone: you can save at any time and easily pick up where you left off, but you can also play it for hours. If you make a strange game type and genre combo it's harder for the game to be popular. The fun is figuring out how to make the best game and win the game of the year award. Since it's a Japanese game, you can also make games in the dating sim and interactive novel genres (not sure if we have too many of those here).

Japan vacation advice?

2011-02-21T20:50:00.000-08:00

Hello dear readers! I am now taking the opportunity to openly solicit advice on our upcoming trip to Japan. If you know anything about the most convenient hotels or must-see sights in the Tokyo and Kyoto areas, let me know! We are staying about two weeks (part of which is during Golden week, nonetheless).

Whistler has an occupational crisis again

2011-01-29T20:45:00.000-08:00

Okay readers! What kind of job would I be good at and actually like?

I have been thinking about this lately since I have discovered that I don't want to be a professor. I hate going to conferences, I don't particularly like teaching composition, and I'm terrible at writing long papers. Why the heck was I even in my grad program? I don't know. I think it was because I usually like reading and I think it's entertaining to discuss ideas. Writing itself is not loathsome to me, but at this point in time I find that I am so not proficient at academic writing that it is very discouraging. Every other week I want to drop out of the program, knowing that my thesis is not going to affect anyone deeply and that it is causing me so much stupid mental anguish.

I also know that I don't like working closely with mentally ill individuals, especially where their children are involved. I don't even like working with mentally healthy individuals that much. I also hate meetings that do not have a specific purpose or are for the sake of having meetings (several church callings and past jobs come to mind). I get impatient with people who don't read written material I have presented to them.

Okay, so we know what I don't like. What do I like doing? I like working with data. I don't mind a little data entry as long as I get to do something with it too, even if it is just reading it. I like organizing data. I like researching things online; "things" here means "what are the best PS2 games for learning Japanese," not "what is the definition of postmodernism." I like my current research job of reading/skimming articles and deciding which ones are relevant to the project. I don't think I could handle doing it all day though. I also like the idea of things being efficient. When I worked at the Counseling Center, I liked the idea that we were trying to figure out if therapy was actually working for our clients, even if the questionnaire we were using was biased towards depressed individuals. I also really like what amazon.com and okaycupid do with the data from their websites; that is, they use it to help other users understand how the world works and find better matches for their customers.

I'm also really interested in educational games, specifically, language learning games. I think that it is possible for a game to teach a language through natural methods along with drills (drills are easy to make; nicely scaffolded learning is not. I think we can make a game that is like what Lingua Latina is to book language learning: completely immersive but comprehensible at the same time). I don't know a lick of programming, but the part that interests me is actually how this would be done conceptually. I think it would be interesting to study the best ways to learn a language (cognition, psychology, pedagogy, neuroscience, whatever) and then transform that into a fun game. Does such a job exist? I'm interested/disillusioned by pedagogy in general, but for language learning especially.

What do Myers-Briggs have to say about it? Every time I've taken that test (as fallible as tests are) I have been an INTJ. I think I've softened over time, but I really am an introvert and I really like things to be planned and organized. My spice shelves are alphabetized and I wish I could alphabetize my kitchen utensils, for instance. When I read an editorial from an international student complaining about how expensive food was on campus, I thought "bring a lunch from home!" (Empathy isn't my strong point.) INTJs are supposedly good computer programmers, engineers, librarians, or natural scientists. I agree that my personality is suited to working with data and computers, and maybe talking to people about said data. I'm also interested in how we can make things like teaching and working be more efficient (how much Facebook time helps with productiveness and how much it doesn't and how one would solve that problem).

Knowing all this, what kind of job do you think I would enjoy?

2010

2011-01-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

Jan - Started my 2nd semester of grad school and teaching at 8 am. Adam and I started thinking about marriage and I think we ate out a lot.

Feb - I made chocolate truffles for Adam for Valentine's Day. He was really sick (not because of the truffles). I went on a road trip to Flagstaff, AZ, where I presented a paper on Calvin and Hobbes and was unimpressed with other presentations.

March - Adam proposed with chocolates. I dropped out of accelerated Spanish to work on wedding plans.

April - I finished up the semester. I got a good grade on a paper I wrote the night before and a less-good
grade on a paper I did tons of what I felt was original research on and I felt betrayed by the academic system. My experimental section of English 150 was not accepted. I also had one really disgruntled student review which was discouraging. My family visited for Easter and met my in-laws and Adam. Adam had a birthday... I got him an encyclopedia of cooking.

May - I think I worked on wedding stuff and beat Chrono Trigger, and I took one graduate course. I wrote a pretentious paper on authorial insertion in text-based adventure games.

June - I GOT MARRIED. Can't remember much else. It was really hot in my apartment and it was very nice that Adam's had air conditioning.

July - Went on a honeymoon (mostly to a castle in Washington and the bay area). I wrote probably 200 thank-you notes and tried to organize everything (taking stuff back we didn't need, using up giftcards, putting pictures on the wall, etc.).

August - We went to San Diego with my family and I loved boogie boarding. I got a little bored afterwards and played some Okami and did some weeding. I decided to write my thesis on Portal rather than some obscure text-based adventure game that no one has ever heard of. I lost a lot of weight over the summer (maybe I need to eat bigger lunches?) and never really gained it back.

September - I started a new semester studying bookbinding and Japanese (and that one last class for my grad coursework). I taught another computer-intensive Writing 150 course. I got my committee to approve my prospectus but I think it still hasn't been officially filed.

October - We had mice and it stressed us out a bit. I turned 23 and Adam's mom made me a fantastic Portal cake. We went to Adam's sister's for Halloween, which was fun. I think we started our Starcraft 2 practices around this time.

November - I was really glad to have Thanksgiving break. I read a lot of manga and played DS games while still going to classes and stuff.

December - Grading wasn't as torturous as I feared and we had a real Christmas tree! I lost my steam for finals and I think I might just be getting a little burnt out (so I'll be auditing most of my classes this semester). I enjoyed visiting my family for Christmas. I also found it a little weird that I took my stocking back home with me. I gave most of my family blank books that I made and I put Christmas elves everywhere.

Mushroom tour

2010-12-31T11:56:00.000-08:00

In California it is the year of the mushroom, apparently. I have no idea what any of these are so this will be the end of my commentary.

Review of Hotel Dusk (for Nintendo DS)

2010-12-31T10:36:00.000-08:00

I beat Hotel Dusk (over Thanksgiving break)! It was a fun interactive novel/adventure game. I recommend it if you liked the Lucasarts Indiana Jones games. It wasn't as wacky as Monkey Island but it did have some sarcastic humor. Most puzzles had logical solutions. What you say in conversation actually affects the game, but not in a sophisticated way (i.e., with the "interrogations," either you win or you lose). I thought the story was really good; the way all the hotel's patrons came together worked out really well. I did get stuck in a few places but I was usually on the right track (and with a little help from the UHS, it was no problem).

I can do it myself!

2010-12-29T12:39:00.000-08:00

I'll admit it, I like feeling independent. I still feel like I am mooching off of Adam sometimes, even though we're married. Sometimes this insecurity manifests itself in odd ways. When I'm sick I am especially deranged about it. "I'll get you some medicine." "NO, don't worry I can get it."Or if I have a stiff neck Adam will recommend hot water and I will roll my eyes and tell him "thanks MOM."

Anyway... that explains the little comic I made. My sister got a tablet for me, and I have some software to make comics with, so it works out pretty well! I still have a long way to go in figuring out how to use all the tools (I am scared to use the eraser). Mostly I wanted to produce something that was legible (yay?).

Christmas Elf Invasion!

2010-12-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

Bat-elf

he must have writer's block

reindeer are much faster

please share some hot chocolate

ahh caught in the act

and crying in shame

no, it's not chocolate... disappointing

I made a third elf and he is on his way to another house (Adam says he looks like Santa and I am disappointed)...

three cheers for salt!

Preparing for Christmas!

2010-12-03T21:47:00.000-08:00

We have a house and I can have a real Christmas tree!! It's very exciting. I have a few other Christmas decorations, and I am sure they will just kind of accumulate on their own.

For a craft project, Adam and I made these Tomtens. They are Christmas elves I plan to hide in mischievous places Well, Adam is still working on his. The materials were really cheap! I just hope I can get the wooden bead to stick to the pipe cleaner neck somehow. ;;

Private blog update

2010-11-26T11:13:00.000-08:00

I put up a post about our Halloween trip and another with a bunch of random cell phone pictures I took. Come to think of it, I guess I could have put that one here. Ah, oh well. Here's one of the weird yellow mountain problem we had when the grass was dead and partially snow-covered.

Whining about BBC's "great book list"

2010-11-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

Aaaahhh. Several people have tagged me in that "great book list" where you can tell everyone about what great literature you've read and feel good or guilty about it, depending. I don't think it's a good list! It doesn't seem to be well-categorized. The chronicles of narnia are on there along with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. The books on the facebook note don't even match the original, which was just a list of British people's favorite books in 2003. War and Peace counts as one book as does Harry Potter. This is a terrible way to measure reading passion or general well-read-ness. If that's the goal, make a poem referencing all that stuff and see how many people get it (oh wait, we did that, thank you modernist poets).

I think a more interesting viral note campaign would be to list one underrated book you think other people should read with reasons why. Then you would get to learn about a book you might not have already read and skip the gloating/guilty feeling of knowing what classic books other people have put themselves through. It would look something like this:

Name one under-read book and tell us why we should read it.

Or, if I were going for the whimsical prose style of chain letters, I suppose it would read more like this:

Think of one book that not everyone you know has read. It can be happy or sad or fun, as long as it's a book you like and you think others might like it too. List this book and give 5 reasons why you think more people should read it in the following categories:
1. How cool you'll be once you can join the subgroup of people who have read this book.
2. What handsome guys are in it.
3. What books it's similar to, or just mention the last popular book you read, to pique the interest of lesser readers.
4. How quick it is to read (include # of hours it took you to read if under 10, esp. if it was in the same day).
5. How you don't have to know anything about obscure history or cultures to understand the book.

BONUS: Include the word "thrilling."

I will demonstrate with Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata.

Snow Country is a lovely, delicate read by the Japanese master author Kawabata. While Snow Country isn't as bizarre as Murakami's Wind-Up Bird Chronicles, it will make any fan of Japanese literature smile with its small details and wandering pace. The unnamed, mysterious male protagonist enjoys the company of his favorite geisha in the snow-ridden area of the Gunma prefecture in Japan. Even if you don't know a shamisen from a sanshin, you can enjoy the small intimacies of tatami mats and silk worms in just a few hours.

* * *

I really do like Snow Country! I just think book blurbs are hilarious/ridiculous.

Comics!

2010-11-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

I got sick and I read a bunch of manga. And I remembered how much I love comics! I am really loving Host Club (I Inter-Library Loaned the next three volumes... will that really work?). I've been thinking of things in comic form and it makes me want to draw comics (I fantasize about drawing a webcomic sometimes... but I think I would just put them in my blog)! So, Host Club is about an over-the-top-rich kid's high school where some pretty boys have a host club (they entertain women for money). The weird thing is that host and hostess clubs actually exist in Japan! People go to them to drink and pay people to flirt with them, or just talk to them. I also started reading Hana-Kimi, which isn't as good. It's so high-school-girl-fantasy... but there are funny parts (we are keeping my sis-in-law's manga while she's in Japan).

I haven't been doing much homework and I'm liking it. I'll have to get back to work at some point, but playing a little Starcraft and watching anime really does help me de-stress (that and sleeping 10 hours!). I'm finally getting to the point in Starcraft where I can focus on things like hotkeying and strategy instead of just getting troops out. I want to get better!

a little Halloween celebration

2010-10-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

Adam made this pumpkin, which says "Halloween" in katakana (so it reads like "haroeen"). He and his mentee both carved pumpkins and I made some popcorn (for some reason my mom always made popcorn when we carved pumpkins). I melted down some butter and sugar in hopes to make caramel popcorn, but I don't think I got it hot enough and it just got kind of hard. It was still good, just not the kind for popcorn balls (which someday, I will make). We also tried roasting pumpkin seeds, but I'm not a huge fan of them and we just put salt on them.

Speaking of Japanese, I have been studying that language. It is very different from any other language I've studied. The parts I expect to be hard are easy and vice versa (i.e., verbs have a lot of forms but don't really conjugate; nouns have no plurals or other forms; but particles and word order and kind of hard!).

Sometimes freshmen are freshmen

2010-10-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

Okay. I teach a first-year writing class, right? My students get to be in a computer classroom 2 days a week out of 3. To teach them MLA format, I decided we could have a competition. They'd divide into groups , I'd give them copies of an article or book with the information they needed, and then each team would write their citation in a google doc which I would project on the screen so everyone could see how they were doing. The first group to get everything perfect would get three points and 2nd and 3rd place would get one point (maybe I should have made 2nd place 2 points, oh well).

The problem with my plan is that I gave everyone the link to access the google doc, and they all appeared as anonymous users. At first I threatened to take away points for sabotage, but then we discovered that I couldn't do that... guess what happened. Yes, someone in the class, which is mostly boys, decided to sabotage other groups by decapitalizing letters, making things into italics, or adding random periods. It seems like a more productive way to cheat would be to copy and paste the winner's citation, but I don't think anyone tried that (too obvious?). Anyway, I was disappointed by my class's lack of maturity. My pleas of "you're too old for this" were ignored. As a solution, we had only one person per group allowed on the document, which worked--it was too hard to both type the citation and sabotage other groups. Okay, whining over.

New backpack and shoes

2010-10-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay. I know you were worried about how the new backpack thing would go. I settled on the Jester model from the North Face (it was on sale at the REI outlet for like $30, so yeah). It's this weird orange plaid pattern that matches almost nothing I own. I guess I am okay with that. One thing that drives me crazy is that there are only two pockets - one main one and one semi-large front pocket. I just wish I had another pocket sometimes. That said, the limited number of pockets does cut down on the bulk of the backpack. Even when the backpack is chalk full it appears fairly slender. This is accomplished through forcing the user to use more vertical space. I like that the lining is this rubberish probably waterproof stuff that hasn't started flaking off yet. One great design improvement is with the elastic water-bottle holder mesh things on the sides. There's a little pull tab so you can extend the elastic out without getting your fingers caught in it. And the slot is big enough for my wide-mouthed water bottle (wide-mouthed to accommodate convenient cleaning).

Another product I have been excited about is my new Rocket Dog tennis shoes (no I did not pay $45 for them, I got them on sale too). They're a red and black plaid, and I love that the shape is symmetrical but the colors aren't. The sole, toe, and heel are thick rubber, so I'm hoping they'll be somewhat waterproof (I should waterproof the canvas part). They only breathe a little, so they're pretty warm. The only thing I'm worried about is that they have the same problem as my converses where they chafe my heel spurs a little so I have to wear thicker socks (was that tmi?). Their arch support isn't super but they don't hurt.

Okay, while we're talking about shoes, a month back I got a pair of Sanuk sidewalk surfers, mostly because I checked the reviews on them and people were like "these are amazing." The company claims that they sell shoes that are actually sandals, but don't believe them. Their shoes are actually socially acceptable slippers. I'm not sure how people wear these barefoot, but with some ankle socks they are incredibly comfortable. They're a very light shoe and were perfect for that long end of summer we had. They're rubber-soled too, so you can step in a shallow puddle and not get soaked. I don't really like the frayed look, and I still kind of associate the brand with rich beach bums, but I can't deny that the shoes are incredibly comfortable (despite having no support... I'm beginning to suspect that cheap shoes which make my feet hurt simply support in the wrong places). Anyway, SHOES.

Oh, P.S. It looks like mormon.org finally got around to posting my profile. I used some primary-lesson-y language, but oh well.

RIP Bookpacker Plus

2010-09-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, the elderly zipper on my backpack finally gave out. I tried to fix it, hoping that I could still enjoy the companionship of the backpack that had been with me since high school and all through college, but my efforts were in vain. I was very sad to give up on my backpack. It was one of the few things I took with me my first year of college and it accompanied me to all of my classes, my meetings with professors, my inkblot testing, and my flute practicing. In high school it withstood my abuse (textbooks, lunch, and a flute) and came with me on the bus every day, offering its padded back as a pillow when I came home late from pep band. This backpack accompanied me to flute camp and trips to Utah and then my trips back to California. It even came on the honeymoon. As I give up on this backpack, I feel as if I am leaving behind my adolescence and all the wannabe independence it stood for.

I called up REI in Salt Lake, which has a repair shop. They said they could repair the zipper at a small cost. I considered this, but another zipper is coming undone and I think it is time to just get another backpack and consign this one to 72-hour-kitdom. REI does not really make backpacks for bookpacking anymore. This too was disappointing. I felt like REI had betrayed me. I understand that they are an outdoor store and that they want to focus on that, but there was nothing wrong with this backpack design. Why did they stop making it? Can any other backpack really compare? After much research, I ordered The North Face Jester backpack, but I don't think it will be the same. It won't be green. It won't have the chewed-up strapling where my inexpert vacuuming manifested itself. It won't have the keyring where my space camp keychain lost itself. Maybe I really should just have REI repair it. :-(

Bugs bugs bugs

2010-08-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Our backyard is overrun with weeds and also bugs. I've been weeding in the mornings and just trying to ignore the bugs. They aren't really jumping around at 9am anyway. I know why we have a lot of weeds but I'm not sure why we have a lot of bugs, which I noticed in an afternoon observation session. My theories are 1) that our backyard is relatively undisturbed (we haven't been mowing it regularly and it's not like we have kids who play back there all the time), 2) that we live on the outskirts of town so there is more wildlife, and 3) we have delicious things in our backyard. Regarding 3): there are plenty of slugs and pill bugs in the ground and crane flies in the air. I think this explains all the spiders. There are spiders among the thicker foliage and one that has a huge web next to the fence. I was looking at the ground and saw at least four or five baby spiders (or maybe the full-grown is that small?). Spiders really creep me out but I keep telling myself that they are eating things that are hard to get rid of. Also today I totally saw a PRAYING MANTIS. Maybe it will eat the baby spiders I saw. Excluded in this small food chain are the white butterflies that flutter over occasionally. Oh, and it's not a bug but a special-op sunflower popped up! It was hiding behind the tree.

Profile on Mormon.org

2010-08-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

In case you weren't aware! I decided to take some time today to make a profile on Mormon.org. It requires a lot of writing! If you're already a Mormon you can get to know me a little better by reading the things I wrote. I'm glad I did it because it helped me write about my faith with little prompts and things. I recommend making a profile on mormon.org as an appropriate Sunday activity (if you're Mormon. If you're not you can read about other Mormons)! I think most of my content is still pending approval, but should be up in a day or so.

Coke vs. Pepsi

2010-08-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

My husband conducted an experiment to see if our friends could tell the difference between non-caffinated Coke and Pepsi. I feel obligated to publish the results before I throw them away. We had 9 participants, 4 male and 5 female, with ages ranging from 19 to 31. Each participant received a chance to taste Coke and Pepsi knowing what it was beforehand so they could familiarize themselves with the drinks. Each participant was given three unlabeled samples of one of six permutations of drink combinations (Coke Pepsi Pepsi, pcc, pcp, cpc, ppc, or ccp), determined by dice roll. Of the nine participants 4 (44%) correctly identified which one "didn't belong;" only two participants correctly identified the odd sample out as what it actually was. From the results it would appear that there is a significant but small difference between the two drinks, even when non-caffinated (do you really want me to do a t-test on 44%? Chance alone would be 33%). Further study would include more participants.

San Diego post on other blog

2010-08-16T20:34:00.001-07:00

I posted on the picture blog about San Diego! I also talked about how cool I think the video game The World Ends With You is.

Cuttlefish at seaworld

2010-08-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

Here are some cuttlefish! You can see them change color.

Boogie Boarding

2010-08-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post about our trip to San Diego and have photos of the beach and everything, but I'm too lazy to get the photos off of Adam's camera at the moment. So I will have to describe to you the joy that is boogie boarding.

Boogie boarding, as I understand it, is kind of like surfing, only you can do it closer to shore so you don't have to be an expert swimmer to enjoy it. You use a boogie board and lay on it stomach-down. This decreases the devastation of wipe-outs. I'm not an advanced boogie boarder - I still haven't mastered the going-across-a-wave-sidewise move. But I can catch waves and ride them all the way to shore, and it feels amazing (I did it once before in Hawaii). It's a low-friction environment, so it feels kind of like sliding, only much cooler. Better than ice skating or roller blading. It's a little like sliding down a concrete hill belly-down on a piece of cardboard, but less rough. It's not like driving a car at a fast speed... it's more like hydroplaning in a car without the car. Okay, I'm not making sense anymore. But it is SO AWESOME that I can finally understand why some people have a life-altering obsession with surfing. I went boogie boarding on another day at a different time when the surf was a little rougher, and this experience alone made me more curious about tides and types of waves than hours of wavestaring. It made me want to live next to the beach and buy this book on surfing. I've never thought of myself as someone who likes going to the beach all the time until now. Even after a week of beach I feel like I could enjoy some more time at the beach. I love that feeling in bed where it feels like waves are still washing over me (kind of like when you go on roller coasters all day and then you feel like you're going on a roller coaster before you fall asleep, only less scary).

The main downside to beach living is skin damage, I think. I have to remind myself of this because I got a terrible sunburn on my back (I dried off the sunscreen?). SUCH LOVELY LEISURE COMES AT A PRICE. Also there were tons of these people of indeterminate age with really tan and wrinkly skin (I described it as "tobacco-tan," although I don't think that's original). Well, now you know one of my secret loves in life. Along with cuttlefish.

New blog up

2010-07-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

Okay! I have made a new private blog, which is here. Right now it has a bunch of wedding photos up. I've invited some immediate family members whose e-mail addresses I know. I'm not sure, but do you have to have a gmail account to read a private blog? If so, just tell me your gmail address and I can add it to the permissions list. If I know who you are I will grant reading permission. If I don't know who you are I might ask you about that. My current plan is to still post some things to this blog and then link from this blog when I make a new post on the private/family blog. That way you can still subscribe to this RSS feed and get updates of a sort.

in which I get excited about video games

2010-07-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Have any of you read the manga Fruits Basket? In one of the first few volumes the manga-ka (author) mentions how she gets excited about beating Final Fantasy bosses. Recently I have had my adrenaline pumping when fighting enemies in the game Okami. It is a really cute game, which I will prove by providing a screenshot:
You play this holy dog who is the form of the sun goddess Amaterasu. To use your powers you have to "draw" on screen (we have it for Wii (thanks sis!), so it's like drawing with your wrist). You can use these in battle, and you attack by shaking the Wii remote. So there is some extra-finger exercise involved. In one part there are a bunch of bandits you can fight and you have to cross them off the list with the paintbrush. After a battle it's so hard to draw a straight line on screen! I get so excited about killing bad guys! It's like... I have to win! I especially like how plants and stuff grow after you beat bosses. I wish weeding my yard were this easy!

Adam and I are thinking of making a private blog so we can post pictures of ourselves without feeling exposed to the internet. The only thing I don't like about private blogs is that you have to remember to go and check them since they don't work with RSS feeds yet. Would anyone read a private blog (it would be easy to get permission)? It would PROBABLY have more pictures but it also might be more "and THEN, we went to Japantown." If you have an opinion, now is the time to let me know!

PAJAMAS

2010-07-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

My grandma gave me some silky polyester pajamas. They're the adorable kind with separate drawstring pants and a button-up top with lapel-like things. Kind of like these only ten times cuter and for women (and not that expensive). The reason I write about them is that I completely underestimated how much I would enjoy them. Tossing and turning under the covers is so easy in them; my sheets don't get weirdly caught on my clothes anymore. And I feel so cute! Adam is jealous. :-)

Ohs yes!

2010-06-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

I love Ohs (Oh!s?). We have a family tradition where for your birthday, you get to have WHATEVER cereal you want. I think I chose Ohs at least one year for my birthday cereal. I was somewhat sad when I came out to college and I couldn't find the cereal at Smith's (I had to make do with Marshmallow Mateys). Then yesterday I was at Fresh Market and saw Ohs! I bought two boxes! I went to bed excited about how I would get to eat Ohs in the morning. I just had two more bowls for lunch. This cereal makes me so happy.

I don't know why it tastes so good. In fact it looks like they've changed the cereal a little since I ate it last. The Ohs themselves are more tube-shaped than oh-shaped like they used to be. One of the nice things about Ohs is that as they sit in your cereal, they only get more pleasant to eat (they are very crunchy and kind of hurt your mouth without a little soaking). But the wait is worth it. Honey and oats, who knew. The only other thing they should change is to put more cereal in each box (these boxes are tiny! It's like 6-8 bowls of cereal in each, which feels very small when you always eat two bowls).

my current favorites

2010-06-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

At my bridal shower I realized that some of the things I've said are my favorites are no longer my favorites. For example, Dostoevsky is no longer my favorite author. I don't really think Nabokov is either, but he's still pretty cool. Right now I think Murakami and David Foster Wallace are my favorite authors. And I don't think classical music is my favorite type of music anymore. I still like Shostakovich and Prokofiev, but I get more excited about My Brightest Diamond or Radiohead. Lately I've been getting into soundtracks too, but I don't know if I have ONE favorite soundtrack.

The concept of favorites is kind of weird. It assumes that we like whole things a certain amount. I feel more that I like or don't like different parts of things. Or that I think some music is really perfect for certain functions. For instance, the Chanticleer album I just bought would be good for reading or making breakfast on a Sunday morning. Shostakovich is fun to just sit and listen to, and the Amelie soundtrack is perfect for driving.

Sometimes I think that people are kind of like this too. A roommate is the most convenient (favorite?) person to complain to at night before bed. My parents are good at reassuring me about things weekly. My friends are good for making jokes and playing games with. I guess my fiancé is good for just about anything. :-)

Coveting the bridal way

2010-05-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

Why is registering for items for my wedding so hard? I like finding things I want, but I like to take my time at it. I like to read all the reviews and look at multiple items and then say "YES, this particular teapot is the one I really want." This takes hours and hours to do for more than about 20 things. I can't help it! I'm picky! I don't want really deep soup bowls that will take up all the dishwasher space, but I don't want really shallow ones either. Where are the beautiful stoneware bowls of my youth that are perfectly shaped to fit in the bowl part of the dishwasher?

Oh, we're registered at Bed Bath & Beyond and at Amazon, in case you were wondering (I have my own Amazon wishlist and a separate list of things I want to keep track of, so don't get confused!). I've been trying to register for Amazon items that are under $20. Like, for example, this stress-relieving Edamame bean. Only $4.50! I think the funniest thing is the "other people who bought this also bought" for this item: the postsecret book, Maus II, and Dragon Quest IV. So... people who buy it are internet-savvy comic-reading gamers. I may or may not fit this description ;;. Oh, and have you heard of Mameshiba? The little bean that comes out is a Mameshiba... thing. Bean. Check out the youtube video. My roommate L. said it was "like despair.com only cuter."

I tried to think of items that might not be COMPLETELY boring. For example, a pilates ball! Play video games and strengthen your back! Oh, and I found this cute vintage wall clock that should look good in the kitchen somewhere. And a butter dish! Some day I will have my very own butter dish, and I won't have to either keep it in the fridge or precariously in its wax wrapping on my pantry shelf. I tried looking for some items on etsy, but it's either too hard to find things that I want, or too easy to get sidetracked (check out this locket or this owl clock necklace. Why do I want them so bad?). Anyway, I can't believe I spent the whole afternoon on this.

Authorial insertion in text-based adventures?

2010-05-08T13:21:00.000-07:00

Okay cats and kittens, if you can, I would like a little help from you. I'm hoping to write a paper on authorial insertion for my American Autobiography class (i.e., author-as-character thing). To do this, I need some material. In fiction it's fairly common - Nabokov's Bend Sinister and Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions use it. I suspect that many text-based adventure games do this. So far I've only been able to find John's Fire Witch (a review on the xyzzy page comments on it). And I guess that would be enough to work with, but I would like to know if I'm making some glaring omission. "Honorarium" and Jason Rohrer's "Passage" and "Gravitation" feature the author as the main character (or at least an autobiographical character), but they don't have words, which makes it a little more difficult to justify writing about in an English class.

edit: apparently TVtropes has a page for this

Non-wedding-related goals for this summer:

2010-04-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am taking one class and planning my wedding, but I want to do other things too. Specifically:

1. Start learning Japanese. I've checked out some books from the library, including one of those "complete course"s with audio CD. It helps that Adam likes teaching me. I might not be literate for a while, but I can at least say "I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese." (I'm still working on "Where is the nearest bus stop?" and "Where is my suitcase?")

2. Read fiction that is not for a class. I started on this one by reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I'm almost done with Oblivion, and then I have some books my professor lent me (which are for fun I promise). I'm also trying to read more "serious" graphic novels so I can have something to say when I read manga. These include The Sandman series and random new graphic novels that appear in the BYU library. Currently Epileptic is one of these.

3. Start research for thesis. This should include playing text-based adventure games... but honestly, they're not my favorite type of game. Usually they are so hard! I think I just have to make myself get used to them. I've also ordered some books that have to do with ergodic literature (interactive text), hypertext, narrative in computer games, and other related subjects, which hopefully will be interesting even not in conjunction with my thesis. I'm excited for the book Twisty Little Passages. I've also decided that The Eleventh Hour is definitely ergodic literature and as such I should probably spend some time studying it. That and the annotated Alice in Wonderland.

4. Play more video games. Related to (3), I do think that playing video games will help inspire my thesis ideas. I'm still not sure what exactly I can say about how text-based adventure games are cool. Do they use fantasy in a way different from literature? How are the puzzles related to the meaning of the game, if there is any connection? So, for example, Chrono Trigger has some puzzles that do not seem very meaningful. In the prehistoric era you have to refrain from fighting the beetles right away so they can dig a hole in the ground for you, and choosing which hole to go down is pretty much random until you get an idea of what the dungeon is like. But the cooler puzzles are the ones that require time-travel. The one with the castle ghost and Frog is especially interesting. So, you can visit the castle in the present and try to fight the ghost there, but you can't beat him. Instead, you have to go back in time and give some tools to this carpenter (okay, that part was lame) and kill all the monsters there in the past. Well... now that I'm writing it that doesn't really make sense either. Can you think of examples of cool puzzles in video games that contributed to the meaning of the game?

5. Keep up on Latin and Russian (and Spanish?)? This is a more secondary goal that I'm always thinking about and feel badly about when I realize how much I've forgotten. I was thinking of buying Wheelock's Latin (I have Freundlich, which has a gorgeous cover design, so maybe I don't need Wheelock), but instead I found this Latin reader called Lingua Latina and I am SO EXCITED for it to come in the mail. It is entirely in Latin (except for an word index in the back) and tries to teach Latin in a more fluid, organic way, (with lots of pictures) rather than the rote memorization and decoding that I learned in high school (yes, we worked on The Aenied, but I never ever thought in Latin; all the time I was translating it into English in my head). I have one of those silly Latin phrasebooks somewhere I bought on sale at the bookstore, which was cool, but I hope this will be EVEN COOLER.

As for Russian... I have plenty of materials. One time I was at DI and found like three Russian books! I have some children's books in Russian along with a collection of stories, but they're really hard to read! I also have a collection of Russian animated cartoons (which have no subtitles and are also hard to understand). I have a "First 1,000 words" book and that nice book of Russian roots (I love word roots, which probably explains my excitement about Latin). I have some Pimsleur mp3s, and while I appreciate their pedagogical soundness, they are incredibly boring to listen to. I also have a dictionary for foreigners. It defines the word in Russian and also has one-word definitions in English, French, Spanish, and... probably German. The downside is that it's not very fun to read. One of my very favorite books to read has been the Russian Graded Readers I-V. It is so cool! It defines each word the first time it appears, and then gradually introduces more words and tenses. The first one is a story from A Hero of Our Time dumbed-down into all present tense. They add in past tenses as you go on along with more vocabulary. All of the selections are from easily read famous Russian authors with the vocabulary simplified so you're not always looking words up (which to me is one of the most boring parts of reading things in a different language). The tragic thing about this reader is that it is out of print. (One of my Russian profs sent us the PDF files of the first two parts, which I would say is totally fair use. I have my own copy of the reader which I miraculously found at DI. I had another copy too, and I sold it to a classmate.) On the subject of "things I am passionate about" I think we can add "language acquisition tools that take advantage of cognitive science."

Anyway, if you're still there, I still want to know your opinions on meaningful video game puzzles and any amazing foreign language materials you've encountered.

Limited possibilites

2010-04-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

When I was a child I didn't think too hard about how furniture and fabric come about. I assumed that everything was easily instantly customizable. I don't know why I thought this - I had been to a fabric store myself, and I knew there weren't infinite varieties. Maybe the sheer variety of types of furniture and blankets I'd seen convinced me that a high variation was possible.

Now that I'm actually kind of shopping for things like furniture and bedspreads, it occurs to me how limited I am in my choices. While the internet adds a lot of options, it also adds a lot of shipping and a lot of "maybe the photo just looks good." Maybe custom designs are possible, but prohibitively expensive. It feels weird to invest time and energy into buying things that reflect my personality that others will buy. I guess that's the price of mass production, and maybe that's why some people like quilting (so they really can make their own designs).

in which I whine again

2010-04-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

"When's the big day?" is a phrase many conversation partners have decided to use to replace the question "What is your wedding date?" Does it feel so weird to say that I'm getting married? Is it a way to make a perfectly good question more conversational? Maybe it's hard to make appropriate jokes about me getting married, so my interlocutors must resort to colloquialisms to keep a serious subject light-hearted. Anyway, I think it's kind of weird that probably 80% of the people I talk to about myself ask when I'm getting married in those exact words.

Something mostly unrelated that has been bothering me: I still don't really have an occupation. I don't want to teach freshman English for the rest of my life. I wonder if I could become a bibliotherapist ("oh, well, if you have insomnia, you should try reading Proust, it puts forty percent of readers to sleep within ten pages"). Sometimes my classes just feel like book clubs glorified with some background reading and justified with a degree. It's fine for a hobby (for me). I still don't really understand how literary criticism makes the world a better place (Scottish independence notwithstanding). Maybe a more entertaining place. Also - this is possibly bad of me, but it's such a relief to have in the future a husband who will support me in my entertaining indecision.

quite redux

2010-03-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't give you the whole story about "quite." Quite can mean boy "completely" and "somewhat" according to the OED (American Heritage agrees on "completely" and adds "actually" and "rather"). So in both British and American English, the word can mean opposing things (it reminds me of the Latin "altus," which means both high and deep). I'll go into this in altus detail for the sake of my "you should all know the bottom of this" feeling.

The Merriam-Webster Usage Dictionary makes this note:

By all accounts the subtractive sense is the prevalent one in 20th-century English, but in many particular instances it is hard to be certain if the subtractive sense rather than the intensive sense was intended [...] You would think that the coexistence of these two uses would lead to problems of ambiguity and confusion, but in practice this seems not often to be the case. For although the lexicographer must try to determine the exact meaning of each occurrence of a word, the reader is under no such constraint. The distinction between the two senses is not always crucial to a general understanding of the sentence; when it is, the reader has the larger context for help. And the writer can always use a negative with quite when he or she wants to emphasize a falling just short.

My future mother-in-law pointed this variance of meaning to me, and her personal usage note is as follows:

When I use "quite" with words which could not normally be accompanied by "very", eg. remarkable, dead, awful, finished, pathetic, stunning, all right, amazing, - quite would tend to take the first meaning, one of emphasis. But the rule doesn't always work - "quite good" virtually always means somewhat good, unless expressed in a surprised tone of voice, in which case it means "better than expected" (and one's standards did not start off particularly high). "Quite nice" is dismissal; "quite delightful" is praise.

Could it be that "quite" accompanied by a strong term of praise or disapprobation usually gives emphasis, but accompanied by a weaker term, (nice, good, pretty, untidy, plain) it modifies the term to be weaker still?

This one is going to take a quite a little thought. Quite a little means "a lot" Quite a lot means "A great deal." One thing I am sure of. Used on its own, "Quite" indicates agreement, but not necessarily friendly agreement. It's all in the tone of voice.

Indeed, tone of voice is important for all sorts of communication (sarcasm, flirtation, anger, etc.), which still makes a written "quite" difficult to interpret. It's one of those ambiguities we just have to live with unless the author is alive to question.

quite

2010-03-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

This is ~~quite~~ somewhat embarrassing, but whenever I'm around people with English (or South African) accents, I suddenly use words that strike me as more British. Words like "terribly," "washroom," "rubbish," "nice," and "quite." I don't know why I do this, probably because I'm not a prestige speaker; instead of using a consistent set of phrases and syntax, I imitate the language patterns the people I'm with, or at least, my perception of their language patterns. I say "What!" more around Hobbes and "Good Heavens!" around my roommate, simply because they seem to use those exclamations more.

There is a problem with this, since sometimes I get it wrong. "Quite," for instance, in American English, is a formal way of saying "very," but in British English it means "somewhat" or "kind of." So "that's quite nice" can mean "that sounds fantastic" or "that's kinda alright, I guess." It makes me want to go back and read Austen or Shakespeare with this new knowledge to see if people were actually being insulting when I thought they were being nicely polite. It also makes me annoyed that in the situations I'm most likely to use "quite," I'm most likely to use it in a semantically ambiguous way (or the "wrong" way from the point of view of the hearer).

Part 3: Dating

2010-03-21T15:11:00.000-07:00

After exchanging snarky comments while watching international cinema, Adam and I went on another date. We made sausage chowder and played Scrabble together. One night after playing raquetball, I still wanted to spend time with him and he took me to his step-grandmother's Christmas party and I met his dad and sister. We held hands on the way back and I remarked on how cute his accent is. At the end of the semester, he was patient with me while I stressed out about all my final papers. He tried to teach me how to program and I let him read my Calvin and Hobbes paper. I wrote things in my journal like "he is fun to talk with," "I think he's cute," and "he is optimistic and pragmatic."

I went home for almost two weeks for Christmas. I got to see all my family and some friends. It was wonderful. I called Adam to talk to him and we had conversations that lasted more than thirty minutes, which is pretty good considering how much I dislike talking on the phone. I think I asked him if he wanted to keep dating, and he thought it was a good idea. At our family New Year's party my mom told a friend of hers "I think this one's a keeper." I felt worried. Now if things didn't work both me and my parents would be disappointed. On the way to the airport my dad asked if I thought I'd marry him. "I've thought that about guys in the past, who I didn't marry," I reminded him.

In January we kept going out (we ate out a lot), but I wasn't sure if Adam wanted to keep dating me, which made me feel sad when I thought about it. Maybe it was then he was deciding if he liked me enough to marry me. I realized that I wanted to do all I could to help us continue. It's hard to pinpoint when, but we fell in love, probably due to a combination of flirting and persistence. It's very personal to me and I was reluctant to write about it, but I think you have the general feel here.

Part 4: The Engagement

2010-03-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

At the end of January, we found we were "in favor" of marriage. I felt so excited and at the same time a little anxious. Was I sure I was sure about this? But I didn't have any complaints about Acius - it was more like the opposite (I had plenty of compliments for him). He and his family are funny in entirely new ways when compared to me and my family (not to say that I'm dull, just that novelty has certain perks, especially w/r/t humor). Acius is really everything I wanted in a man. After a few more weeks I felt really good about marriage. I told Acius I was sure about it and he just said he'd known for a while that he was sure about it. I wanted to tell everyone! Acius said he was more traditional and wanted to wait until he had a ring for me. This almost made telling my parents about my "secret engagement" more fun. I had the thrill of a little guilt in keeping a secret, relief in finding someone willing to put up with me forever, and excitement about starting a new lifestyle (which will include a real shower and our own kitchen!).

Acius is a fan of Japanese food, language, entertainment, and culture. To be honest I've always thought that Japan is pretty cool (although since it's popular right now it's harder for me to admit that). I had two Japanese pen-pals growing up, I spent a lot of time researching Japanese customs online over long summer internet surfings, I made origami cranes obsessively, I watched what anime I could access, and we hosted a few Japanese students when I was young. Acius and I were watching a Japanese drama with his friends and in the show they celebrated Valentine's Day and later White Day. Basically, in Japan, women give men chocolates (or ties) on Valentine's Day, and then a month later, men return the favor with chocolates or cookies. White day is kind of interesting because it was invented by confectionery companies (like our Valentine's Day). So I feel completely justified in adopting a custom that isn't steeped in religious significance. And I think it's more fun to stretch it out - what else is there in March? St. Patrick's Day?

So, Acius was sick on Valentine's Day, which was on a Sunday. I had made these lovely dark chocolate truffles, and I had a treasure hunt that went with it (my mom always made us treasure hunts for Valentine's day; I'm not sure how that started). Alas, it was not to be quite as I planned. I dropped the treasure hunt and hitched a ride with Adam's parents who were bringing dinner to the temporarily-invalid. It turns out that even a sick Acius is capable of appreciating good chocolate.

With some various hints, I knew Acius was planning his retaliation on White Day (a month later), but I wasn't sure how. He picked me early to have dinner at his parents' house, still in his shirt and tie, and he gave me a box of chocolates. We went to Kiwanis park and walked around (I left the chocolates in the car). After some stalling, Acius suggested going back to the car. I read a nice letter he gave me and he said he wanted to tell me about the chocolates he bought me. I noticed that it had the outer wrapping of See's candies, but not the side seals. I thought that it might be a custom collection and they wrapped it differently. Anyway, I opened them up and there was a ring in the middle. Acius (it's so weird to use his internet moniker) started to explain the chocolates: "These are chocolate truffles, these are the ginger chocolate ones, these ones on the side are different fruit flavors, and this is the will-you-marry-me one..."
"Of course I will!"
Afterwards we told his family and everyone was smiley and happy for us. It seems like everyone has a little advice for how to plan a wedding, but luckily no one so far has weird demands (well, except Acius's sister, who said we should have veggie sushi, but I think we were kidding). I'm sure Acius could tell a long story about how the ring almost didn't arrive in time, and how he had to wrap the chocolates himself - but I'll leave that to him. ;-)

Part 2: Blogs are part of my network

2010-03-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have been blogging since high school. This is my third blog; the second is quite easy to find if you know me at all, and the first no longer exists online. When I first started blogging, I didn't know anyone else who blogged. My blog entries were mostly a transcription of the day's events. Here's a sample entry from back then:

:P - 8/9/2001
Had a flute lesson, walked around while Joshua was having his swimming lesson. Read the first chapter of The Elfstones of Shanarra. Prtetty boring day so far... Also earned $$ in Harvest Moon II...

I read strangers' blogs and commented on them, and then they'd feel some sort of social obligation to comment back on mine. This was the entirety of my commenters - internet friends. With my second blog I found that some of my high school friends also had blogs, and we "subscribed" to each other's blogs. I still read blogs of strangers on the internet I had a common interest with, but I became fascinated by, well, internet drama and the insight a little research could give me to the lives of others - others I knew IRL (in real life). Comments became a kind of commodity of how popular my blog was. Now I feel like the dynamic of comments has shifted, at least in my blog-o-sphere. My friends read my blog to keep up on my life, and they only comment if they have something to say, and discussions in comment sections are rare. Discussions are much easier in person or on gchat or even on Facebook (either that or I don't discuss controversial issues).

Strangers do comment occasionally. One significant comment of this sort happened in September. This Acius fellow was somewhat unknown to me, but with our mutual acquaintance and Google's recommendation, he couldn't be terribly weird. I shelved researching this connection until I recovered from my summer fling (recall). When I felt like dating again, I reviewed my possible leads. Acius had a non-annoying, informative blog. With Hobbes's help, I found out that he was single and introduced myself on Facebook (I didn't see how he could find me non-creepily, but women on the internet can get away with more). For our first date (actually I called it "hanging out" but that was just to make it sound less scary) in November we saw a movie at International Cinema and afterwards Acius said "I guess I can give you a ride home." And thus started our knowledge of each other IRL.

Part 1: An Appropriate Background

2010-03-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

Many things that later become important to me kind of lurk around in my life. I think I met Hobbes at a Russian 101 review before we were Board writers. He wore a leather jacket and headed up the Soviet Union, a Russian language study group (I kept meaning to go, but never attended). One summer ('07) at a Board party I saw him again. He gave me and Tangerine a ride to the grocery store so we could get buns for the hamburgers. Slightly crazy yet awesome: it's what I expect from other writers.

Hobbes likes to go places and do things to answer his questions. As the Red Team he'd get some writers together on a Saturday and we'd all answer overhours questions together. We went to the courthouse to try to talk to a policeman about some law. We surveyed the grass by the greenhouse and decided which kind was the best to lie on. One day the Red Team was just me and Hobbes and his brother Acius (also back in the summer of 2007). We investigated a huge pile of gravel on 2300 N and Canyon or University. "Yes, it looks like a pile of gravel" was the result of our investigation.

Tangerine and Hobbes answered a lot of questions together (as team HaT), and I suspect that's how they started dating. Tangerine is a good friend of mine and she told me about how she adored Hobbes's family. She had Sunday dinner with them even when Hobbes was in Russia. She encouraged me to meet his family, but I couldn't think of a non-awkward way to do this ("Hi, my friend thinks we could be friends?"). So that is how I started to meet them.

in which I write about hating writing

2010-03-03T18:38:00.000-08:00

Something I don't understand about myself right now is why I don't want to write anything. I dread writing short papers or stories. I can write well, and I've enjoyed it in the past, so what the heck?

My recent theory is that since I've been reading so much FANTASTIC writing, I realize that mine is vastly inferior and have developed an inferiority complex. I don't think this is quite the case. I'm reading about the same amount or less literature now as I did in the past. However, as a writing teacher and a student of English, I do feel much more self-conscious about my writing. Instead of just writing my ideas down, I'll often worry about how to write it. Instead of letting my natural voice take over, I find myself trying to guess what my professor or what other people will want to read. And I really hate that.

I started working on a personal essay (about last year's job) for the creative writing workshop I so stupidly decided to take. I find that the weightier material is actually more difficult to write about (I know other people have said this, but I didn't believe them). I found myself concentrating on the details of events rather than how I felt. It's hard to talk both about my feelings and explain the situations that led to those feelings. I'm not even sure if it's therapeutic to re-visit those feelings. I don't know what the point of writing about hard things is.

Another thing I don't like about my creative writing workshop is that because of my stupid and sudden dislike of writing I never have anything prepared for everyone to read, and I end up submitting something half-baked and now everyone knows how I can't write. And I'm going to have to hear them tell me all the problems I felt so painfully aware of. Instead of addressing my problem of difficulty of expression, we'll be discussing the problems of the things I wrote and what I unintentionally expressed.

I think part of the difficulty in writing about supervising parents was that I felt frustrated about so many things. I felt frustrated that the majority of the time my notes would not make a difference in court decisions. I felt frustrated that courts ordered stupid things. Like that a teenager had to visit with her dad every Monday night when she rather would have been with her friends. Even I didn't spend that much one-on-one time with my parents as a teenager. I felt frustrated that good parents didn't have much time with their children and that bad parents had oodles of time. I felt frustrated that money had to determine how often some parents could visit their children. I felt frustrated that I couldn't stop parents from continually emotionally abusing their children. I felt frustrated that some parents, despite their best intentions, continued to emotionally abuse their children. I felt frustrated that I had to choose between being polite and liked or being assertive and hated and following the rules. I hated how I became less sensitive to the suffering of children.

But I think focusing on all those things I didn't like isn't the whole picture. I became more appreciative of my own parents, and I learned that I want to marry someone who will be a good father (not just a good husband, if that makes sense). And I think in some ways I'm more sensitive to child cruelty. I've decided that I don't want to be sarcastic about my children until they'll understand it, because I know that that's something I could very easily slip into. I still don't know what I think about parental rights. I find myself varying between too extremes ("screw biology!" and "let parents do whatever they want!"), which probably indicates that some medium value is how I really feel. And now you have all the reflection that I should have included in my personal essay, because I was too worried about how it would come out and how all those MFA students would read it.

"experimental" English 150 course?

2010-02-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

Among the many exciting things in my life right now, I am excited about my experimental section of English 150. If they let me, I'll teach a class centered around pop culture - its rhetoric, and by extension, our view of it. Instead of doing a weird op-ed on something annoying on campus, students will get to reflect on their experience with a piece of art in their lives (including a Disney movie, if they so wish). Basically I just changed the course content to be stuff in popular culture, but I think this will encourage students to write (or make them hate their favorite TV show, either one). I only wish I had found a textbook of some sort that would guide us... but I know what we want to do, and the current text isn't bad. I'm still hoping to write a text-based adventure game to use in ANY English 150 course, and we'll see if I can get any outside funding for it (even though I know it's a long shot). By a great stroke of luck, Acius seems to have a lot of experience programming text adventures...

Oh, and if you haven't already, check out Braid. My sister bought me a copy and it is awesome.

Making computer games an educative subject

2010-02-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

Please nominate for me browser-based games which would be educational to do a rhetorical analysis on in a classroom/computer setting (and/or ideas on how to teach freshman composition in an awesome way). I'm thinking of proposing an experimental section which would use computer games, and while I guess I could require students to buy a game, I'd rather use free ones if I can.

Current candidates:
Level Up!: The "story," characters and game rules mess with traditional game conventions. It "says" things about time and learning. It aims to please multiple audiences.
The Company of Myself: This puzzler gets kind of hard (I'm stuck on the one where they're like "timing is important"), so I'd be reluctant to expect students to get very far, but I like how it also messes with time and repetition. I wonder how similar it is to "Braid" (another game I want to play, which costs actual dollars). I like that it doesn't shy away from being hard; it's not meant to be a mindless game.
Flash Portal: The first few levels introduce the paradigm-shifting portal system. Later on you just have to be fast at making portals, which I find less cool. Their audience is probably, I don't know, fans of Portal or people who wanted to play Portal.
Radical Play: A somewhat annoying racing game. The cool part is you can win by crashing into the other cars or by winning the race. They don't even pretend to use real physics, which is funny, and doing flips to get points or energy (I don't recall) is kind of fun.
Super Energy Apocalypse: Gameplay isn't terribly original, but it has a complex message - we need to defend ourselves but we also need to take care of our waste to prevent zombies from taking over.

Okay, so what would we do with these games in the classroom? It's possible to do a classic rhetorical analysis (RA) - who is the target audience, why are the elements of the game fun (instead of persuasive?) for that particular audience. Are computer games persuasive, and of what? Could writing about computer games prepare students to write in other contexts? Currently we write on a bunch of op-eds for the RA, which seem to me just as irrelevant to most majors as computer games.

Also, I was thinking of just single-player browser based games that a student could beat in one or two sittings, but could a MMORPG be helpful in a classroom context? We could be part of the same guild in KoL, and it would be fairly easy to track student progress... okay this is getting weird, I'm not sure how/if that would work. Have you played Crimson Room? That might be too hard or too easy to get a walkthrough for. Well, now you know what I've been fantasizing about: playing computer games in my classroom.

"It may be cheaper by the dozen but it's potentially wasteful."

2010-02-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

I cleaned the kitchen, mostly, and I feel so accomplished.

Acius took me out to Five Guys last night and it was quite delicious. Maybe mushrooms do belong on a hamburger. But it was even funnier to listen to Acius grumpy: "How long do you think it will take before there's a law about food portions?" "It is impossible to eat this much." "In Japan, you can buy a single egg in a box." Haha. ^_^ He's so cute!

This mushy post justified by an upcoming romantic holiday!

Also: I love this photo I took over Christmas vacation. It reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.

Road trip insight

2010-02-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a road trip to Arizona where I presented a paper. I learned some things about myself:

-I can drive 80+ mph and not freak out. I can drive 4 hours straight, and probably more. I can successfullly navigate freeway junctions. I can be a polite driver and let faster drivers pass me on the left. I don't feel pressured to go faster by fast drivers behind me - if they want to break the law that is their problem, and they can pass me!
-After the guilty pleasure of snack food, I find that it's not as appealing as I thought it would be. The exception to this is any type of cracker and cheese (but it has to be the right combination: Ritz and Cheddar or Gouda and wheat thins. Actually I think any kind of white cheese goes well with wheat thins).
-My education in the American graphic novel is somewhat lacking.
-I don't really see what the big deal about conferences is. Tally another mark on the "don't want to do this the rest of my life" list.
-I still bring up my boyfriend in conversations all the time, apologize for it, and then everyone teases me about it later (when it happens again). At least if they can tease me about it, it's less annoying, right?

the routine parts of my current life

2010-01-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

Often in my desire to record events and feelings, I forget the everyday things I do, which I will probably forget at some point. One of the things I do with some frequency is that I make my own dinners. Most of the time I think cooking for one person is terribly depressing, but I also think that sharing all my food all the time would greatly increase the frequency of grocery story visits (an undesirable consequence).

The photo here is a Christmas-colored dinner I had last month. Usually I don't have this much broccoli all at once. I can make myself real food; for my birthday I made myself roast chicken and mashed potatoes with gravy (and it lasted all week and good heavens I was so happy). Last week was scalloped potato week. I'm thinking this week will be spaghetti, or curry. I think I should make soup again soon (I still want to make pea soup from actual dried peas). Cooking interesting things is not a priority for me unless I have someone else to experience it with.

I was hoping that being a graduate student would be different from my previous experience as a student, but it's not. I still procrastinate (yet manage to complete) the work I like the least (gone are the days when I would complete the work I liked the least first). I read things without understanding them. Okay, most of the time I don't have a clue what's going on. Sometimes class is boring, but when it is boring, the stakes are higher. Have I mentioned that the combination of being bored and terrified is probably my least favorite emotion? It describes a few things, of which driving is one.

It rained a little last night and it cleared the air, and I'm so glad (it had been getting unhealthily smoggy). The sun started shining and I opened all the blinds and drank some hot chocolate on our back steps. Then I decided to study my Spanish out in the sun and my slippers. I felt so contented. If only I could feel this way about analyzing Emily Dickinson (whenever I try to say something about a Dickinson poem, I'm paralyzed in "well it could also be..." or "but there's no way to say for sure...").

Cuttlefish

2010-01-09T08:42:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that not enough people are amazed and fascinated with cuttlefish (NOVA knows how cool they are). Their coloration is like a high-res plasma screen (and can change just as rapidly, it seems). Sometimes they flash, strobe-like, to catch their prey (does that remind you of any sort of genre of advertisement?). I read somewhere that cuttlefish are smart enough to tell the difference between various humans. And NOVA says that they can remember how to do mazes (although even mice can do that, so, booring). I wonder if I went into behavioral science if I would be able to get a grant to work with cuttlefish. Now THAT is cool enough to tempt me to go back into psychology. Oh, and the photo here is mine. Check out those weird W-shaped pupils. I took it at the Steinhart Aquarium.

You know what else would be cool? A cuttlefish coloring book. Then you could color them all sorts of colors and still be somewhat accurate. (The Marine Biology Coloring Book, while awesome, is not quite what I was looking for. Something more like this, only cooler.)

2009

2010-01-02T06:51:00.001-08:00

Things I did in 2009 of note:

-Got really into Facebook Scrabble
-Quit that job that I hated
-Had a long-distance relationship and learned to appreciate Idaho
-Started GRAD school (I even got an A in one class, how did that happen?)
-Taught freshman composition - terrifying
-Went to Arches national park
-Developed opinions about teaching and parenting
-Started dating that cute guy I told you about

December Sunshine

2009-12-20T15:28:00.000-08:00

Oh, I went to a luncheon party today and ate outside in the sunshine. I love going outside to eat and just chat. Maybe I should try drinking hot chocolate outside in the snow when I get back...but I don't think it would be the same.

I watched Star Wars: A New Hope again, but with new eyes. Every time I watch that movie Luke becomes more a more of a kid to me. See part 10, around 8 minutes - hilarious.
Han: "Do you think a guy like me-"
Luke: "No."
I like how Han just smiles.

We have an actual Christmas tree! With presents! And we're making Christmas cookies next week!

BYU looking for Jazz voices

2009-12-14T18:08:00.000-08:00

Dear all 47 of my subscribers:

Jazz voices is having auditions for new members. My friend Andrew is in it, and he is a cool guy. You should also check out his car blog.

In other news: I have a boyfriend (Acius)? I probably already mentioned this to you. It is fun times.

in which I do not develop my thoughts

2009-12-12T07:51:00.000-08:00

If I had snow pants, I would be so much better at making snowmen.

Is cannibalism okay if it's post-mortem?

I like traditions. But some traditions are impractical, or sexist. Sexism is just a part of life, I think. Those boys in Sweden will just have to settle for not being St. Lucia tomorrow.

nothing in particular I just feel like talking to the Internet again

2009-11-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

Impromptu hang-out of three guys here this afternoon. One revealed he'd never had a girlfriend, worried about it somewhat, but decided to leave it in God's hands. A roommate suggested we get together. Protesting: "I hate being the starter girlfriend!" Maybe it's because I think "starter" girlfriends have an obligation to make dating fun and unserious.

There are only two more weeks of classes! Frig! I don't understand why I have procrastinated my papers this long. If I procrastinate it, does it mean I hate it?

ahh so I gave my blog URL to a high school friend and doing that self-reflexive "what do people think of me from reading my blog?" And I'm so serious and BORING and WHINEY all the time. I was reading back on some of my entries, and at least they were funny! Why am I not funny anymore, that's what I want to know. Probably because I've started to worry about whether I'm funny or not. Maybe I should stop worrying about it! At least I don't write bad poetry anymore!

Thanksgiving at the grandparents'

2009-11-26T19:22:00.000-08:00

I was inside all afternoon and evening yesterday, so I didn't see the package that came, my Kershisnik art book. I noticed it when I opened all the blinds to let in the sun. I spent the morning reading it and gazing through it. I brought it to my grandparents'. I thought I could show my family what real Mormon art could be like.

My grandpa looked through half the book. "He can be artistic without being particularly beautiful." His hands are shaking and he has trouble turning the pages. I hope it is not Parkinson's. He accidentally gets some chocolate pie on one page and tries to wipe it off. When I get home I clean the glossy pages with a microfiber cloth that I got from a flute dealer. That's the risk of sharing, I guess.

I also brought along a Foxtrot comic book. My cousin Devin read it and said it reminded him of when my little brother would always bring his Garfield books with him when he visited. Devin's brother just left for a mission yesterday, and Devin looks a little sad, but he laughs when he reads the book. I think that a good book can be therapeutic. Especially good comic books. We watch Meet the Robinsons and I wonder what my future family will be like.

no country for shooting each other

2009-11-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

I think the difference between a game and life is that in life the consequences matter, which makes it more exciting, but also more stressful.

One of the problems of sharing links online is that my conversations become redundant (oh, did you hear about how shellac is bug poo? Yes, Whistler, you shared it in Google reader).

I read No Country for Old Men and I didn't like it that much. I thought the philosophy was too overt and the violence a little self-gratifying. But I think my dislike is deeper. I consider a book well-written if it teaches me new words and describes things in ways I hadn't thought of before. I also like it if there are hidden connections and obscure tangents. Okay, I still don't know why I didn't think it was fantastic. I really hope it wasn't just because it was a bunch of guys shooting each other, because I think that has potential.

you know, like Zeno's paradox

2009-11-19T19:14:00.000-08:00

In one of my classes I compared the problem of linguistic indeterminism to Zeno's paradox, in that it seems like it shouldn't work and that we shouldn't be able to communicate to each other because so much of semiotics is like subjective and dependent on individual experience, but in the end, we communicate basic things to each other (we buy food, create friendships, etc.). I hope I wasn't just name-dropping old Zeno there. I should just stop creating connections from disparate fields!

rejection can hurt your ability to perform on IQ tests

2009-11-13T09:15:00.001-08:00

Remember that time I took the GRE after getting dumped? Well it turns out that rejection can reduce I Q, so maybe I should re-take it sometime. Sometime when I have less AGGRESSION. It's quite remarkable that I didn't do worse, actually.

Different Strokes

2009-11-09T22:36:00.001-08:00

Okay, so, The Strokes have been my secret favorite band for the last 3 months. I listen to this playlist (which is basically 3 of their albums) all the time and never get tired of it. I really like "What Ever Happened?" (lyrics; youtube), but I haven't really figured out why. Wanting to be forgotten feels new in this culture that I perceive as valuing fame/infamy in any form. Their lyrics are refreshing in their bitterness?

That reminds me. I played Kid A for my students while they were writing, and about halfway through "The National Anthem" I was like "oh, this might not be the best concentration music for everyone." Embarrassing! But I don't feel too bad, because one of my teachers this morning played Satie's Gnossienne No. 1, which was fraught with memories of when I saw The Painted Veil last and then when I saw it first, and then when I learned the piece on the piano. All memories that aren't inherent in the piece itself but dependent on its context in my life. I think that type of personalization it something people like about music. So, everyone can listen to the same piece of music, and if they've heard it before, they could all have personal memories about it. Okay, this bulletin from captain obvious is over!

Casual swearing?

2009-11-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

Okay. I don't mind a little swearing, and I even think it can be funny in the right situation, but I don't understand casually using the f-word (especially among other LDSs). I've been puzzling over why this is. Why is it that "damn straight" and "smart-ass" are funny, but the f-word is profane to me? It might be because the f-word makes sex profane - profane as in vulgar, commonplace, or explicit. And, maybe this sounds weird coming from a virgin, but I think we should talk about sex in better, more respectful ways than the f-word.

But doesn't "damn" do the same thing? It makes the serious situation of eternal judgment into a commonplace. I would feel pretty uncomfortable saying "exalted straight!" Anyway, Ian Duncan was visiting and talking about the relationship between the sacred and the profane, and I've been trying to figure out what it means.

(that said...I think showing the absurdity of jr. high cussing is kind of funny. cf. "A Serious Man.")

Guys, what makes you swoon?

2009-11-04T10:50:00.001-08:00

So, I'm answering a Board question about how to be a good girlfriend (which I covered pretty well last year, I think), but more specifically, on what things make a guy "swoon" in a relationship. So if you're a guy, what makes you swoon, and if you're a girl, what have you done in relationships that made your significant other swoon (I'm assuming heterosexuality here, I hope you can deal with that)?

2009-11-01T18:34:00.000-08:00

So, um, no one entered the chestnut cartoon contest. Well... so much for reader interaction. Maybe facebook would have been a better venue, or in maybe it's too hard to draw stuff.

Well, here is a joke for you: What do you call a bunch of chess champions acting boastful in a fancy hotel?

A: Chess nerds boasting in an open foyer.

I think I'd like a quiverful of children, myself

2009-10-25T21:25:00.000-07:00

Psalms 127:4-5
As arrows are in the hand of a might man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Contest with prize!

2009-10-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

Dear readers,

I purchased Sufjan Steven's new DVD The BQE recently, and it came with 3 downloads of the film (iphone-sized). My last download will go to the winner of this contest (I will e-mail him/her the access code).

Here is the contest: Make a one-panel comic including chestnuts. It can be in the dialog, in the background, as a character, a prop - whatever. E-mail submissions to me by midnight on the 30th, and I'll decide the winner on Halloween (and post the submissions, unless I get weird ones). Scanners are available in the HBLL (the copier ones are easier to use than ever - you can even have them e-mail it to you). Most of you know my address; if you don't know me, just use my Board address: whistler@theboard.byu.edu.

Okay, have fun! Even if you're not crazy about Sufjan I would encourage you to participate, because, it will be kind of hilarious.

-Whistler

another epistle

2009-10-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

Dear cute guy at RMMLA,

I was too shy to talk to you, and I thought you were a professor, but now that I've used my creepy data mining skills it looks like you are a fellow graduate student in North Carolina. I am loving the plaid sport coat, but Faulkner? Seriously? Don't we have enough Faulkloreists in the world?

your snobby once-proximal,

Whistler

Amazon stat

2009-10-08T07:34:00.001-07:00

Have you seen the new Amazon.com feature where you can look at the readability stats of the book? This book by my aesthetics teacher is harder to read than 97% of other books, while Infinite Jest is only harder to read than 35% of other books (though it's longer than 99% of the books on Amazon). McCarthy's Border trilogy is amazingly easy to read in comparison, with a Flesch-Kincaid level of 4.4 (meaning a 4th grader could read it). And, of course, Proust has longer sentences than 99% of other books (36.8). Unfortunately this feature is only available to the books for which the publisher has consented to have the "look inside!" feature available, which isn't all of them... but fun times! I wonder if the stats include children's books.

the postmodern self

2009-10-04T21:50:00.001-07:00

In a weird Wikipedia chain (Baudrillard-Zizek-Lacan) I found myself looking into Self-Relations in the Psychotherapy Process, a book my former semi-retired boss wanted to get rid of. It has a chapter on "Understanding and Treating the Postmodern Self." At first I'm skeptical, but oddly enough, I found myself identifying with their case study:

One wants to join the cynic, who seems so smart and invulnerable. Then the earnest and innocent self is left behind, ridiculed and humiliated. The innocent self becomes a kind of "hot potato" to be passed back and forth, no one wishing to be the final receptacle of such vulnerability. [...] One might say that Henry [the case study] lacks just such a capacity for transitional experiencing, a place between the fixedness of self as "really this" or "really that." What Henry has not fully appreciated is that no one is "really" a banker in some transcendent sense, nor is anyone really not a banker; if one looks closely enough, one finds that there is really no such thing as a banker in a Platonic or essentialist sense.

I find myself also feeling that cynicism is a safe place for me - where I can blame other institutions for my failures, or at least something I can't change. I also often complain that I can't really be a graduate student, or that I'm "becoming one of them." But there isn't going to be some day where I wake up and I'm "really" an academic intellectual or I'm "really" someone who knows what she wants to do with her life. Anyway, I wish I could scan the whole chapter and send it to you. Well, I guess I can, if you're interested. Let me know.

Top five most useful presents I have ever received or given myself

2009-10-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, I was thinking about gifts lately, and which ones I have found the most useful and have lasted the longest. Thus a small list:

1. REI Backpack
My freshman year of high school, my parents bought me this backpack for my birthday. I whined because it was pretty much my only present that year, but nine years later I am still using it five days a week. My sister still uses hers, too.

2. IBM Thinkpad Laptop
My dad gave me his old laptop when I graduated from high school. It lasted me three years, and he bought it used. I used it almost every day, and when the motherboard finally fried I was able to live without it for the summer, but I really missed it?

3. Sony Portable Cassette Player
I think my parents bought me this tape player when I was around 9 years old for Christmas. I used it to listen to my tapes all the time up through high school, and I think my mom still uses it to take to church and play music for her lessons sometimes.

4. Grado SR60 headphones
I bought these for myself about two years ago when all the cords of other cheap earbuds kept getting crushed when I put my mp3 player in my pocket. I use them all the time, with my laptop especially, and it's a better listening experience than just using my laptop's speakers. Every once in a while when I'm trying to watch a movie with someone I wish I had another pair and one of those dual-headphone output plugs.

5. Seagate 150 GB External Hard Drive
Another Christmas present from... about four years ago. I use it a few times every week to store huge files and listen to music. It's the old-school style, which looks like that droid tank from Star Wars V, but I think that it's a stable design, which is really what I go for in external drive design.

Honorable Mentions: My Land's End rain jacket (used every winter since around '04), my American Heritage Dictionary, my typewriter (more useful than you might initially suspect!), my 1 GB mp3 player, the portfolio thing I bought from the BYU bookstore to hold all my papers, and the green sport coat I bought at Thriftown for $7.

Looking back on this post, I'm like "wow maybe I am a materialist," but this is stuff that has really made a difference in the quality of my life, I think.

I reflect briefly on 2 things

2009-09-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

Two things:

1. Sometimes I catch myself taking it personally if a student doesn't try or do well on an assignment. Like, I think they think they're being a punk or something, when actually some of them just don't care enough to try that hard. The hard part is when a student has really tried but still doesn't quite get it right. Then I think that I'm not a very good teacher.

2. It's kind of fun bonding to talk to friends about my romance life (or lack thereof?), but sometimes I'm afraid that it just intensifies my emotions, or creates artificial expectations. But, it's something to talk about that isn't grad school or the class I'm teaching.

it's just stress

2009-09-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

This week I've had some of those moments where I just feel upset about everything. I had one of those days where I would just cry about anything, like if someone glared at me. And at first I attributed it to my breakup, but I realized that sometimes I just feel really inadequate in my grad program. And not just inadequate - like I don't even like it enough for it to be causing me this much stress. So I'm considering that maybe the PhD route isn't for me. I enjoy reading and thinking smart things about literature, but I don't know if I like the whole politics of academia. The stupid thing is that anywhere I work there will be politics I'll have to think about. And you know, maybe I'll like it better once I get more comfortable with the lingo and find a professor who thinks I have a chance to CHANGE THE WORLD through literary analysis. Wooo literary superheroes!

Oh freshmen

2009-09-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

In reading through freshmen papers, I am often amused.

On the honor code: "without it the gospel would not be the same."
"the conundrum to this solution..."
"I expected to meet and date hundreds of young men."

More as I find them.

Joke time

2009-09-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Q: What do you call a guy who hurts himself being manly?

A: A Machochist.